Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 11:45:35
In reply to therapy annoyances (long), posted by joslynn on November 21, 2003, at 10:29:47
<Don't you hate comments like that? They just leave you hanging... When faced with a situation like that, I tend to twist the conversation to the side that suits my desires (ie my voice is sexy!) even if that is not the intended message. Unfortunately, my therapist's offhanded remarks stick with me more than the "real" comments he makes. But, I tend to distort reality into what I want it to be. That's a problem I have.
I would say though, if you had a voice like the nanny, you would know it!!> 1. In my last session with my therp, she happened to mention in the course of conversation that I had a very distinctive voice. Huh? I asked her what she meant and she backed down and said, well, I guess everyone has a distinctive voice. But now I am wondering what she meant by that, do I have this annoying Fran Drescer voice and no one has told me??!! I am being half facetious here, but it really has been bothering me. Do I sound like Lisa Simpson? Or maybe it’s something good, like Lauren Bacall. I always sound goofy on my answering machine, but I thought everyone thinks that about their voice. Hmmm.
<<I know what you mean. I call my therapist sometimes just to see how long it takes for him to call me back (horrible, aren't I?).. I'm testing him, to see if he is trustworthy. I don't call just to say hi, it is to reschedule, but if he doesn't call within the hour, I'm hot!! I mean, he is my favorite therapist and I should be his favorite client, right? (Maybe not, but I like to pretend). But, when he doesn't return a phone call, which happened during a period of time when I really needed him to, I was very cold to him during the next session. It was his punishment for hurting me. But, I don't even think he noticed. Or at least he didn't comment about it. Figures! I have those fantasies too about canceling appointments, being cold, yelling, stomping out, crying, having sex (hmm!), but they never happen. It seems I never really bring emotion into therapy yet, but I'm working on it!
I would say you should call your pdoc and ask him to get the info and give you a buzz when he has the info you requested. That way, you don't have to call him again, and he also knows that you do want it in the near future. I know that I tend to down-play how important something is to me, by understating the importance around others. Then looking back, I kick myself for not being more assertive. So, call and leave just one more message asking your pdoc to give you a call when the info becomes available. This way, you won't be bugging him (or her, can't remember) and s/he knows you want it!
Karen> 2. In my last session with my Pdoc (who also does therapy with me) he said he could help me with this little administrative detail. I won’t say what it is, in case he is lurking, though I doubt he has time for that. It wasn’t anything urgent or even directly related to me, but when I was talking about it, he said, oh, I think I could get that piece of information for you, call me if you decide you need it.
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> I called him later and left a msg saying if you can, I would appreciate the detail. I said it wasn’t a rush. A week later, I called again to ask if he got my msg. He said oh yes, and it’s good you reminded me, because I’m going to a conference this week and I’m sure I can get the info. He definitely said "I’m sure." Phrases like that set off the "promise-meter" in my mind. It becomes an expectation.
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> That was about five days ago and no word from him. For all I know, he couldn’t get the info after all or he does not think I need it right now and will just pass it along at my next session. It doesn’t concern my health and it’s not urgent, although I really would like it before my next session, which is in two weeks. It sort of concerns someone else I’m worried about, it’s kind of a favor for them. It’s something that would be easy for him to get and it’s not unethical or anything.
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> Does he care so little about me and those I care about? I refuse to call to nag him again.
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> I feel hurt that he hasn’t called with the info or called to say he couldn’t get it. Feelings surface of "well, that just proves he doesn’t really care about me" etc. This is silly, because when I am very upset and need to talk, because my therp is out of town or I want to talke to both of them, he almost always gets back to me pretty quickly.
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> Only one time he didn’t, and he sort of had an excuse which wasn’t good enough for me, but he also apologized, said he was sorry, said I deserved better than how he acted and it was ok for me to be mad at him, etc. He spent over half an hour on the phone apologizing and making sure things were right with us. So it had a good resolution.
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> But now, about this other matter, this little part of me feels like, he SAID he was SURE he could get the info, it’s one little piece of info, was he lying, did he forget about me, waaahhh! He doesn’t love me.
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> Then I imagine being really cold to him at my next session, perhaps saying, you know what, I can just do fifteen-minute sessions from now on, just give me the scrip, I wouldn’t want you to trouble yourself with the burden of pretending to care. Very cool and dry. (P.S. In this fantasy, I would have my hair slicked back in a tight french twist and be wearing a sophisticated 1920s suit. LOL)
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> All because of a detail that does not directly concern my mental or physical health. It is not the detail, it is almost like a test I am subconsciously giving him. I want him to jump at ALL my needs, even the ones I downplay. I know this is asking too much. Yet part of me wants it, not for the detail, but so that he can prove himself to me.
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poster:karen_kay
thread:282067
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/282101.html