Posted by Sean01 on January 3, 2003, at 20:02:09
In reply to Re: More on Dissociative Disorder » Sean01, posted by judy1 on January 3, 2003, at 10:49:19
Judy...
thanks for your words of support and comfort. frankly, it is interesting - and telling - that both you and Lorelai "sound" so normal, indeed ABOVE "normal"...you are both self evidently thoughtful, caring, compassionate, articulate, intelligent, and very clear thinking. what it reaffirms to me is that the core person who is afflicted with this disorder is paradoxically a very strong, decent, loving person....which is exactly what I feel about my own GF. yet apparently these adorable and lovable characterisitics can disappear and change dramatically.
It seems the mind somehow has assumed that there is something in these qualities that is a threat or makes you vulnerable to pain and hurt. so the "adapted" personality that evolves (emerges) to deal with these perceived threats in many respects is the OPPOSITE of the core personality.
My GF, who is warm, cuddling, sweet, kind, silly, full of laughter, sensuous, and beams a radiant smile, can transform instantly to become cold, detached, mean spirited, rude, unthoughtful, inappropriately promiscuous, and her gorgeous smile replaced by dark, piercing, "shark eyes."
sometimes she has a sense, after the fact, that she has said or done something "out of character," and will later ask me "did I say something mean to you last night?" other times she has seemingly no recollection whatsoever, so when I try to explain what mean or inappropriate thing she may have said or done, she has no idea what I'm talking about, and thinks I'M crazy, or making a mountain out of a molehill. I now understand that it makes no sense, indeed is kinda unfair, to even try and confront her with her "alter" behavior. I accept and understand that it is not HER, and she is not doing or saying any of it to be mean or hurtful.
I still have not heard from her since last we spoke - over a week ago - about getting together with my daughter to give she and her son xmas gifts. Though she had said she would call the next morning to arrange a time, I feel I should contact her and simply let her know I'm still here and still love and support her ...without "blaming" or accusing her of not calling me back as she had said she would. yes, my daughter is a little hurt and confused, but she's ok. I know that my GF doesn't "know" she has been inconsiderate by not calling me back. I think, in fact, the idea of my daughter giving her a present, and/or my giving her and her son a present, is an intimacy "trigger" and is exactly why she has just "gone away."
what do you think? do you think I should call her, or contact her, and not wait for her to call? ordinarily I suppose I would be angry that she hasn't called, and would refuse to call HER. but there is obviously nothing "ordinary" about any of this. I worry about her, and I fear that she may think I have ignored HER, because she doesn't remember it was she who was supposed to call. it all sounds so bizarre, but I suspect you understand.
I've got to run, but thanks again for the dialogue. it really does help.
Sean
poster:Sean01
thread:1196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2090.html