Posted by garnet71 on April 24, 2009, at 1:50:35
In reply to d/r + experts - desperate for help w/my meds, posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on April 21, 2009, at 13:12:24
(((((((((((Amelia)))))))))))
I have to be blunt here--you've BEEN_THROUGH_ HELL. That's what the problem is. It's amazing how well you've plowed through all this, it really is.
I'm sorry no one has responded. D/R is mia. Maybe you could post this on the medication board and will get more responses about the medications? People on the psychology board tend to talk a lot more about personal experiences too, and would be most supportive. So you've never taken a mood stablizer? People seem to start out on Lamictal. That's not one I would want to take because of the cognitive problems. Lithium involves your health concerns. My sister takes Lithium and Wellbutrin. She's gained a lot of weight, but she's doing good.
I'm not here to give you medical advice, though, just want to let you know you've been heard, and I feel your pain, and I share your concern about the schitzophrenia. Sometimes I think (intuitively only) there's a wider spectrum than known, like with autism. I've considered it during my own pseudo diagnosis attempts. You don't have to have psychosis to have schitzophrenia, but it doesn't sound like you have that-although I'm just some average person that's read up on it. Yeah, anxiety can lead to self-diagnoses of every illness imaginable. That's what sounds like is going on with you in regard to that.
Since my Grandmother had schitzophrenia, maybe I should share the experience if it could help in any way. My Grandmother was about 35 when her symptoms manifested; when her husband died when he was 35, after coming back from the war, and she had to support 2 kids w/no family help, she had a nervous breakdown severe mania then a catatonic depression--and at that time she got brutal electric shock therapy. It later manifested as psychosis and lots of hallucinations and stuff. This was a few years later, but she would try to exorcise the house and stab devils on the windowsills with forks, that's about all I can remember from when I was a little kid as far as her being ill. She would be obsessed with religion. Sometimes i wonder if it was her meds that caused psychosis back then, and she was really bipolar and not schizophrenic. I'll never know. I know mostly from what parents told me--and she was very agitated and got mean, alternated by laughing, sounds very much like BP1. For at least ten years before she passed away, she seemed perfectly normal-well, showed no symptoms at all, and worked and was strong and stuff. I don't know what meds she took, I had wished I talked to her more about this. I wonder if historically people were misdiagnosed with schitzophrenia back then? I wonder how much was known about BP? Just a thought. Maybe that didn't happen, and they understood schitzophrenia as they do now.
My sister has BP, but this was after her mental breakdown when she quit drugs and alcohol with no help or support. I didn't even know. While on drugs, she tried to kill herself by driving her car head on with a truck years prior, was life flighted to a hospital and almost died. Somehow the nurses/doctors knew she was coming off heroin. She was wheelchair bound for about 6 months. She became addicted to Oxycotin--which transferred again to heroin because it is so much easier to get. Anyway, it wasn't until she quit drugs that she had severe mania and delusions manifest.
I guess mental health professionals now call it a mental breakthrough-something sets off your underlying tendancies. Who knows what the theories are, but I think being proactive is imperative in preventing somethinglike that from happening, and that is exactly what you are doing. I mean, if my grandmother and sis didn't have all those environmental factors, I wonder if they would have ever had such severe illnesses. But see, they didn't research mental illness or read about it-didn't have the tools or will or whatever to try and prevent it. Well you do.
From anxiety, I, too, fear "losing it". Well, I had these thoughts the other day and once before. It is scary, I know. I think its important to try to stay away from those anxiety/OCD thoughts about illnesses. It's difficult, I know.
But what did you mean, more specifically, when you felt you were "freaking out" before you went to the hospital? Interesting you were able to read. Yeah, I spent lots of time at the mental hospital (took half dozen trips before my sister was admitted when she had her breakdown). It was a horrible experience. I had to almost threaten w/ a lawsuit before they gave her meds to stabilize her w/rapid cycling BP, delusions, thinking she was God, screaming if I went near the computer because it was bugged by our mother, not letting me sleep for days and I had to occupy her around the clock by agreeing to "type" her book she was writing about out mother and family (all during final exams week at school..lol). I mean how else to you occupy someone w/severe delusions and mania? I would calmly tell her "sis, this is a symptom of your illness and is not real". She would always say "sis, I know these are only delusions and not real, but then this that...and describe the whole world-wide delusion to me again and how everyone in our life fits in the story about God....This went on and on because doctors would not prescribe her one single pill to stop it despite she was like this for 2 weeks by this point. They wrote in the medical records later (you could tell they added it) that she could have been "acting". OMG her mania was so severe and she was staying with me as I was taking care of her, and she didn't sleep for days straight. After trip 5 or whatever, and still no drug prescribed to stablize her, I asked them if they were comfortable taking responsibility if she were to jump the roof of my house thinking she could fly because she thought she was God, and because I could not 'watch' her 24/7. I can't believe every time we went to the mental hospital ER--they refused to give her meds to stablize her. The PDOcs were sooo mean. We told them she had quit heroin and everything 2 months prior. I asked for something to "sedate" her, not using the correct term, not knowing anything about BP1. Each trip to the ER, they said they could not prescribe meds. Yet, they'd take her in this room with students and a PDoc and talk to her for what seemed like hours-observing her under a camerea. I was uncomfortable with this so I said I want to be in the room, while the nurse practically pushed me away and yelled at me. I had to chase down the doctor to tell him I wanted to be by her side, and he said I was allowed in the room. All of the sudden, after I asked them if they were willing to take responsbilitly for what happend to her in her mania/paranoid delusions--they prescribed meds. So from that I can conclude 1) many doctors first thoughts revolve around "drug seeking behavior" and 2) their second thoughts revolved around a lawsuit. I cannot believe how cruel they were...then in the hospital w/all the shots of Halidol and everything else..I had never seen my sister soooo messed up. From this experience, I'm a lot smarter about using lawsuit implications now. I think the treatment of my sister equated to cruel and unusual punishment, not to mention the safety risk. So I guess you can see that I can understand your anger and frustration with your hospital experience.
So I answered your story with a story..lol. I just want to let you know I can relate to some of your experiences, even if only in some small way, and it you've been through sooo much pain and are very resilient. And you're going to be ok. You are a remarkable woman there Amelia!!!
poster:garnet71
thread:891937
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/neuro/20090129/msgs/892473.html