Posted by BarbaraCat on August 11, 2004, at 20:08:10
In reply to How are you? » BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 11, 2004, at 5:31:06
Awww, thanks for asking. I'm doing OK. Been kind of busy but my heart hasn't been in the spirit of worldly pursuits. Delving more into the Unseen World where alot of questions lie. But I'm doing OK. Printed up a beautiful picture of Merlin from one I'd taken of him last year about this time. He was in his gorgeous glory, healthy looking and soooooo alive with Life. What a difference a year can make. Makes you realize that you just never know.
His picture is on his box of 'cremains', but it's almost like having him around, the picture is so lifelike and captures his essense so well. Of course, he is still around. But no matter how lovely the hereafter may be and we'll no doubt see them again, there's something about this reality, this life with it's realness and their furry textures and scents that can't be beat.
Tomorrow I'm going into the 'big city' and get Sarah's CD. Really looking forward to hearing it. I know what you mean about having a close and personal friendship broadcast over the cyberspace loudspeakers, so to speak. It's kinda fun and unusual. I wonder if anyone else ever stops by? We'll be in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving. I get from little clues from here and there that that's your stomping grounds. It sure would be nice to get together... What a kick. We should meet in a semi-crowded spot and see if we recognize each other without mentioning what we look like or anything.
You and Rock definitely have a soul connection, incredibly deep. Do you think he'll be coming back in this lifetime to you? It seems you both did an amazing healing for each other in a VERY short time together. I remember when he first came to you, around the time you moved into your new house. So many things seemed to change for you around then, major life things. At least you're able to feel things so deeply. Yeah, I know, thanks but no thanks. But it is a gift and the fact you can run in a field at night and feel that deep connection with life and love is something not everyone has the depth or strength of heart for.
I know this is a very sensitive topic, but do you think you'll eventually go get yourself another pup? Maybe a little pound pup that needs a good loving Mom? I'll bet when the time comes, Rock will have his paw in things and arrange it just right. Puppy (and kitten) love can heal a broken heart better than anything. The right time will announce itself. I keep seeing Rock as your Guardian Angel, a protective bright shining force in your life from now on. It was destined that you meet, and now he can fulfill his destiny from the other side where things are more clear and pure for him. I always got a very strong sense of him, Katia, from the get go, such a strong essence. I feel very strongly that he is so proud to be your Guardian Angel Dog, he feels so filled with purpose and commitment and will always be by your side. That's so wonderful. I gotta tell you, it's good to have a Pit Bull as a Guard Angel!!
I highly recommend that you go get yourself some homeopathic Ignatia. If you can get a high dose, 200C or 1M, that would be great. It's been helping me a lot. I'm still taking St. John's Wort and Lithium and things are pretty stable. At least I haven't gone down into that horrible despairing place I used to fall into so easily. The thing is, I know I'm a very strong and resourceful spirit, more so than most people I know. But that crappy bad chemistry has been a huge challenge. But - good news is that even with the loss of a kitty who was very much like a child to me, I'm keepin' on, allowing the love to overflow into my life, but the intensity or grieving hasn't become destabilizing. I feel like somethings been freed up inside me. For awhile I was terrified that when the time came for Merlin to finally cross over, I wouldn't be able to stand it. The anticipation of 'going crazy' was driving me crazy, but glad to report that I don't think that's happened. I'll let you know as soon as I hear 'Rock's Song'. Take care of you. Love, B.
> Hi Barbara,
> How are you?
> I've been thinking about you. I'm still grieving. It doesn't end soon. Not soon enough for most people. I still miss Rock unbelievably. I went running thru' our field last night at 1am. Went running mad thru' it. I reached the end of our field out of breath and crying and looked up at the sky and a shooting star went across the sky at the same moment. I miss him.
> We used to run through the open fields behind my house (baseball fields) at night when no one else was around. It was when he could go off leash and it was fun and exciting because no one was around and IT WAS NIGHT! We loveed it. I would yell "go!" and we would bolt into the wild blue yonder. It was wonderful. I miss him.
>
> How're you doing my love?
> Katia
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:371461
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/376577.html