Posted by tai daluna on November 8, 2003, at 6:55:43
In reply to Miscarriage, posted by Dena on September 4, 2003, at 10:24:19
certain light
blood bright as sunset over water
emptied, i am old
as that and ashamed of this
body
that carried a certain light for weeksnow bearing another kind of loneliness
and that other wound beneath the ribs
bright as the blood, even brighterbeating anyway
---
i had a miscarriage once, when i was 18. all those bits and pieces of deconstructed feotus. i remember it vividly: i mourned the lost potential for years. now there is just a dull ache in my belly when i think about it. the baby was unexpected. i was afraid.when i lost the baby, it felt like a light had been snuffed out inside me; the desolation was almost too much to bear. i felt like a failure.
now i see the wisdom of the universe working in my body. i was far too young to bear the weight of a life. i am glad it turned out as it did. i would never, ever have been able to abort that baby on my own, but i didn't want it and i couldn't support it.
nonetheless, the moment i was pregnant i knew. i could feel it growing inside of me. i delight to think of the day when i will bear children, because i will never forget that feeling. it was the only time in my life that i felt full and not alone.
peace.
tai
poster:tai daluna
thread:256891
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/277690.html