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Re: Keep hanging on! I'm praying for you, too. crazy teresa

Posted by Spector on January 2, 2006, at 2:11:05

In reply to Keep hanging on! I'm praying for you, too. (nm) Spector, posted by crazy teresa on January 2, 2006, at 0:40:38

Maybe I should wait and not thank each person separately? But I don't want to wait. Thank you, Teresa. Very very much.

When you call out in the kind of desperation I am in and people actually answer, it means a lot. It means a lot just to know you are in the thoughts of others. Being in this state is so so isolating. Even with my family with me every step, I feel unspeakably alone. I remind myself over and over and over that God is with me no matter what, but ... . well, though I believe it, I cannot feel it. Almost never. An illness like this seems to take away that part of oneself that makes you able to feel safe, protected. I know that God is not a cruel God; he is not a vengeful God. But this illness is cruel. Pure cruelty. And the kind of isolation and aloneness and terror that it leaves a person in is so profound that even the most loving family and friends cannot take it away. And yet I need them terribly. I need their love terribly. And their certainty that there is an end to this suffering, that life will return to me in full. And I need their prayers. I need their prayers especially because my own are more like desperate screams and pleadings than prayers. Though God must hear those too. He must.

My love,

Nomi Spector




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