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re: Manic Depression Article to Jim and Dena

Posted by Dena on August 26, 2003, at 22:06:20

In reply to re: Manic Depression Article to Jim and Dena, posted by habbyshabit on August 26, 2003, at 17:52:43

This is bizarre - I've tried three times to post a response - only to have them "disappear" each time. OK, God, give me your words, because I'm not doing too well on my own!

How to even begin? I'm struck by how easy it is to misinterpret each other when facial expressions, gestures & vocal inflections don't get to play in the communication. When all we have is typed words on a "page", it's so easy to misunderstand.

Perhaps I should back up & proceed chronologically.

I must ask forgiveness for offending anyone with my previous posts, especially those posts which got me blocked. I can't apologize for the content - I truly believe that I expressed absolute truth. However, I deeply regret that I harmed anyone.

I wish you could see my heart, the motives with which I wrote. Perhaps it sounds trite to say my motivation was/is love, but it's true. Not sappy "oh, I just love everybody" emotionalism, but love that comes through me, from God, to others. I don't manufacture this love - it doesn't originate with me.

If, for a moment, you would see this hypothetically with me...

IF there is a Supreme Being, One who created everything & everyone... & IF this Creator designed us to live in perfect union with Him, only we rebelled & became separated from Him... & IF this Creator loved us enough to make a way back to Himself... & IF only His way actually led back to Him... & IF the consequences of trying to find our own ways led instead to destruction... & IF the ones who chose His way were told to take the message of hope to all others as an act of sacrificial love... Then, how loving would those ones be if they remained silent out of seeming respect? How kind would they be to weigh compassion against tolerance & to let tolerance win?

What IF there really were a Day of Judgment, when all people have to give an account as to how they chose - the Creator's way or their own way - & to therefore live forever with the Creator in joy unspeakable, or else to perish in unending destruction? What IF people who must suffer destruction came up to the ones who had chosen the Creator's way & said, "Why did you remain silent? Why didn't you tell me what you knew? Why did you withhold the message?" What sort of kindness would that be?

Because I love, because I care, I am compelled to share the message of hope, before it's too late. I have to be willing to risk anger, rejection, even hatred. Because I don't ever want to hear anyone ask me why I remained silent, why I withheld the message. I don't ever want to be the one who allowed others to perish. It's so critical. It's the most important thing Ii can ever do. It's the greatest gift I can ever give.

I'm so sorry that I've come across as arrogant. I'm NOT better than anyone on this board, nor anyone on this planet! I'm just one of the ones who got told the message by someone who cared enough to risk my becoming offended. I took a leap of faith to believe, & then I saw. That doesn't make me better at all. Anything good in me comes from the One who IS love. Anything bad comes from the parts of me He hasn't changed yet. I never meant to attack, if that was how my words were perceived. I just want to impart hope, joy, a way home.

I feel I must comment on my quote of Jesus, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." This was intended for the writer(s) of the article about Jesus being manic-depressive. If the ones who crucified Jesus knew Who He was, they would have never killed Him. And if the writers of that article knew Who He was, they wouldn't have tried to explain away His actions as those of a manic-depressive, rather than those of the Son of God. My heart broke for them, for missing the point, & my prayer was for their forgiveness.

As for my faith being shakey - yes, it has been, many times. Not so much my faith in God, Himself, but in my own relationship with Him. Through this period of grief, my relationship with Him has grown in intimacy, as I've sensed Him carrying me & comforting me in a way I've never known before.

Habby, I never meant to harm you in any way. I hope you can believe that. I don't see you in a negative light because you have manic-depression; I deal with depression myself. We all have our burdens, though I don't see us as tainted by them. I see you as an amazingly creative person, very initelligent, highly articulate, posessing a wonderful sense of humor, insightful, deep, genuine, giving, & searching. My heart has been moved by your loss of faith, the "nothingness" you've experienced, your struggles with your husband. I wanted to connect with you, that's why I sent you an "introductory" post. I've been praying for you since you began posting, praying that God would bless you with His love, His peace, His joy, His total acceptance of you as His child. I want nothing but good for you. I hope you can forgive me for causing you any harm.

And Jim, thank you for your gentle "interference". You're amazing. Such compassion, such understanding & such warmth comes from you. You have a good heart, Jim. I hope you don't mind that I've taken the liberty to pray for you as well. I've prayed that God would mend all the broken places in your life (I see no evidence of them, but I felt led to pray as such), & that you, your household & your community would be blessed by God.

It's getting late, & I don't want to risk "losing" this post with the other three. If this one gets lost too, I think I'll take it as confirmation that I'm just not supposed to post on this subject. If it gets through, may it lead to reconciliation & peace.

Shalom, Dena




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