Posted by alexandra_k on November 8, 2010, at 23:42:45
In reply to Re: realistic possibilities, posted by Dr. Bob on November 8, 2010, at 4:21:11
I feel very similarly to muffled on this (and related) issues.
> I imagine a hypothetical poster X:
> X sees themselves as a powerless victim and me as an uncaring persecutor.
I am wary of your setting things up in this way.
You seem fond of characterizing us (or hypothetical posters) as characterizing you as 'evil' or a 'persecutor'. I think that in doing so you give yourself license to write off our views or criticisms as pathological or the result of pathology / immature thinking rather than the result of mature thinking.
(Do you characterize your colleagues similarly when they disagree with you?)
> X has the power to bend over backward to help other posters.
And many X's have done so.
> X also has the power to get themselves blocked. X uses the latter power, repeatedly, which seems self-destructive.
Some do, yes. Why is this? Typically because they were engaged in the 'bend over backward to help other posters' process when you blocked them for reasons they could not understand.
> What brings X back after even a very long block?
My reasons are similar to Muffled. When I'm here, that is. I go months without checking the boards these days.
> Maybe my unconditional love (blocked posters are always welcome back). But it's not completely unconditional. That would be safe for them, but would require me to give up my power to choose whom to love.
I never thought you loved unconditionally. I actually don't believe in such a thing. IMHO all love is conditional (though this is controversial as some believe in God or think they would love their kid even if the kid turned into Hitler or whatever).
IF we simplistically assume for the sake of argument that you love those you don't block and don't love those you block (but love those who return after a block) then the issue becomes one of whether you choose to love or not love seems a lot like whether you roll a 1 or a 5 on a dice. AKA: random. arbitrary. unpredictable. You think you make sense (of course you do). Others don't see rhyme or reason. Thats a problem (it seems to me).
> Does that scenario resonate with any of you?
So... Not really. I'm sorry but I don't follow what you are trying to say. I am trying... Because I figure that you are... But I genuinely don't understand.
>It reminds me again of shame and guilt:
> > Shame ... comes to you as a feeling so deep and so incapable of your getting a grasp on it that it seems there is nothing you can do.
> > guilt is one of the great inventions of nature. For mature guilt lets you know what is unacceptable, and offers you opportunity to do something about it. ... worth can be defined by realistic possibilities, not by the un-focused and "hidden" demands of shame-making expectations.
Oh, I get it. You think that our not understanding whether you are going to block or not is the result of our inability to distinguish guilt (which we should be feeling) rather than shame (which is why we are doing the whole immature thinking thing?).
Because your blocking or not makes sense to you - you think it should to us, hence you think we choose whether we will be blocked or not, whether we get your love or not.
Well... That's... Convenient (i.e., ego boosting) for you. I must say. And... Thats what's important (really) - right?
I mean... From (at least some) of our perspective... The problem is that your blocks aren't predictable, expected, or justifyable. There isn't rhyme or reason. It looks arbitrary or decided on some factor that we don't grasp (hair color? name beginning with a certain letter of the alphabet? whatever feelings you have attached or not attached to a posting name because of your early childhood experiences?) Since it isn't predictable and doesn't make sense posters often impose an order the only way they know how: By taking control of whether they will be blocked or not. The most obvious (and least harmful way to the community) of doing that is to: be uncivil to you and get predictably blocked. If you aren't going to be more predictable in your blocking behavior... What other option is there?
In order for us to feel guilt for what you choose to block your choices would need to be understandable.
And back to you...