Posted by Honore on January 18, 2007, at 12:15:03
In reply to Re: pressure vs. coerce » muffled, posted by one woman cine on January 18, 2007, at 11:53:02
I want to say that I'm very sorry that Happyflower has been so deeply hurt and angered by the situation that lead to her block, and by being blocked.
I need to say one thing, here, that I feel very strongly when reading this series of posts.
I feel that this problem should have been dealt with privately, through an email to Bob, with the information and the description of those things that HF felt were pressuring or whatever word you choose to use.
I've been in situations where I was, to use a word, ganged up on by other people, and this thread, even though I respect the feelings of those who are upset, and don't want to question their motives-- which I think are good-- really feels to me to have a quality of ganging up.
This whole topic and HF's feelings about it were discussed at length before the block. and HF was several times, in my presence, on the chat advised to email Bob privately (as we are asked to do, when the behavior of other posters strikes us as uncivil or otherwise upacceptable).
I know that HF may have important reasons, in herself, for doing this publicly, and I again don't mean to say that these are not to feel safer, and are not primarily to try to make Babble feel safer in general.
But honestly, I don't think this is fair to Deneb.
We all know that Deneb is personally being attacked here. We all know that this ia bout Deneb. To say that it isn't, and to continue to publicly repudiate Deneb's conduct over and over, when the issue has been settled-- as far as the administrative actions on Babble are concerned-- strikes me as having a very unfortunate effect.
If Deneb did anything really untoward after the earlier things she did-- then please, HF, communicate it to Bob privately.
I really am sorry that you're still so hurt and not at peace about what happened. But I do think that Deneb is very sorry for what she did-- I do think she's trying to learn from it.
Remember, it is hard to change and to learn from mistakes. You don't need to forgive or forget, or be friends with her, or be comfortable with her. But please, continue this privately with Bob, or Dinah, or others.
Maybe you can reestablish some sense of safety in that way. You can BMail me-- if you want, too.
But please all of us, let's try to understand how it might feel to someone if so many people are talking about her, in such an angry way, in the third person (for the most part).