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Re: the next best thing, second try Dr. Bob

Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2005, at 4:19:10

In reply to Re: the next best thing, second try, posted by Dr. Bob on July 12, 2005, at 1:57:53

> Another key is that that would be traumatic for them?

I'm not sure I'd use the word traumatic. But hurtful certainly. Rejection hurts. Even impersonal rejection.

>
> > > So the goal is to come up with a more polite and less divisive way?
> >
> > Yes, but from the thread below I would say that you don't appear to me to be all that open to that. I may be wrong, but in what ways are you trying to come up with a more polite and less divisive way?
>
> By trying to keep the discussion open?

The trouble is that keeping the discussion open without any real possibility of change only adds another layer of divisiveness to the first. Keeping the discussion open is only helpful if your mind stays equally open. Otherwise, it is just another way of frustrating posters, and in general it would be kinder to say "This is how it will be, and I am not going to change my mind. I hope you can live with my decision, but if not, I'll be sorry to lose you." or something reflective of the reality of the situation. False hope hurts.
>
> > I really do appreciate your trying again, and I do think you put time and effort into your answer. I don't feel at all dismissed, and I truly appreciate that.
>
> I always put time and effort in, but that doesn't guarantee results!
>
> Bob

:-) I don't always *perceive* the same effort, but perhaps that is my perception rather than your effort.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:441543
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050628/msgs/526585.html