Posted by Dr. Bob on April 14, 2005, at 17:54:56
In reply to Re: I-statements » Dr. Bob, posted by used2b on April 13, 2005, at 22:03:25
> > I was offended when I saw the movie.
>
> the model stated a perception -- a perceived offenseThe model stated a movie, not a perceived offense.
> I often feel alienated when I witness pretense. Symbolic affection to me is all pretense, but the times I feel alienated in response to pretense are not necessarily the times I perceive affection as pretense. I more often feel alienated by pretense when there is a cost associated with not playing along, such as pretense expressed by fashion, by graphic renderings promoting predatory cultural practices and by symbols of social status. Unless it is deep, meaningful and not mediated by electronic network technology, I usually feel nothing when I witness human affection.
OK, other I-statements would be:
> I often feel alienated when I witness symbolic affection.
> I often feel alienated when there is a cost associated with not playing along.
> I usually feel nothing when I witness human affection.
But not:
> My I-statement would be:
>
> "I often perceive that I am witnessing pretense when I witness symbolic affection among humans."Or if you want to consider that an I-statement about perceptions, then, like:
> I perceive that Dr. Bob has gone overboard.
it would be an I-statement that isn’t civil. Using I-statements tends to be civil:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
but isn’t necessarily.
> > Online, it can help to convey explicitly (while of course remaining civil) what you might non-verbally in person.
>
> Which is why I explicitly, and in keeping with all I have learned about civility, wrote in response to an overture of symbolic affection: "To you it may be real, but to me it is all pretense."But that wouldn’t be remaining civil. How about:
> Please don’t approach me with symbolic affection.
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:482520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050323/msgs/484300.html