Posted by Mark H. on April 12, 2002, at 22:30:15
In reply to Re: Proof » Dr. Bob, posted by IsoM on April 12, 2002, at 19:19:55
Hi IsoM,
You're on my short-list of people I'd love to see take over the admin functions of the board for Dr. Bob on some occasion. I hope you've responded to his call for future volunteers.
I thought I'd offer my perspective on your question (while making it clear that I am *not* answering for Dr. Bob, who may completely disagree with what I have to say).
When intervening, I believe that anyone having to decide what is "civil" or not has two basic choices: either to say the minimum needed to get the job done so as not to over-influence the participants' discussion (nor take up too much of the moderator's time), or to be specific and risk creating endless additional "rules," which by virtue of our diversity will never be complete or completely satisfactory.
I tend to be a "rules" sort of guy, and I don't feel quite right unless I know what they are. But even my brief assignment to admin duties gave me an entirely different perspective on Dr. Bob's minimalist style.
I quickly learned the value of trusting the community to take care of itself, of interfering as little as possible, and of being only as specific as needed to encourage people to return to being positive and supportive.
I now believe with all my heart that these boards are *not* the place to argue or even to debate issues and ideas, civilly or otherwise. Instead, we can make "parallel" observations that differ, but without comment on the validity of another person's viewpoint or opinion.
Likewise, this is not the place to challenge people on their "stuff," even when their stuff is outrageous and annoying. Every time I've railed against these limitations in one form or another in the past, Dr. Bob has consistently come back to me with the same basic response.
The seminal moment for me was when I wrote the following more than a year and a half ago: "There is an element here among the wounded ... who respond to dark humor, and perhaps we experience a bit of resentment about certain types of unrestrained behavior because we suck it up all day long every day and avoid lashing out at those who may deserve it." To which Dr. Bob replied, "Humor is fine, but not if it involves, or could be perceived to involve, making fun of others. In other words, please suck it up here, too. :-)" That's what it took for me to finally get it. And it's not just about humor and parody; "please suck it up" is one way to define the type of civility that Dr. Bob expects.
In a sense, we're not just talking with one another here, we're also providing information and support to a larger audience of lurkers who may or may not ever post to a certain thread. They need our information and support as well. They need our honesty *about our own issues* (not about others' issues). They do *not* need to read about our negative, hurtful, angry, distrustful, accusatory and/or judgmental opinions of each other, regardless of how valid those opinions may seem to us at the time. That means we have to say less than our whole truth at times and still be kind to one another while doing it.
My answer to your question is this: I don't think Dr. Bob can afford to be as direct as you would like him to be. I don't think he's being evasive; I think he's striving for economy and non-interference except when needed to keep the peace. For him to say more would only invite further argument and discussion. In the end, there's nothing to discuss -- it's his call, as you rightly pointed out.
Yet even within the limitations of a public forum, isn't this still a great place to be?
With appreciation,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:3959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020308/msgs/4134.html