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Re: I am petrified of saying 'no' to people. Hope. SLS

Posted by jay2112 on July 1, 2021, at 13:35:21

In reply to Re: I am petrified of saying 'no' to people. jay2112, posted by SLS on June 18, 2021, at 16:26:44

> Thanks, Jay. <smile>
> I had an incredibly hard time with confrontation and saying "no" when I was younger. Thank God I had a psychology professor in college introduced an idea that I used as a model to work with. Self-Actualization. I wonder if any therapists use self-actualization as a treatment modality. I've never heard of it being done.
> Real quick: Although personal improvement was extremely difficult during my decades of life in a vegetative state. They called me a "flat-liner". However, I was fortunate to have awakenings for a few days every so many years. I got to experience my psyche in the absence of depression. That led me to two decisions.
> 1. Life would be worth living once I was cured (remission).
> 2. I would work hard towards getting my psyche as healthy as possible in the meantime, despite the struggle to move forward with my personal growth. I went to several psychologists along the way to deal with residual issues. I didn't want to waste a single second. In other words, as one of my doctors put it, I was in the gate and chomping at the bit. Once the gate would finally open, I had planned to be well-trained and ready to sprint.
> It was a good plan.
> - Scott

Scott, thanks for the smile! We definitely need more, much more, of those. :)

The psychological approach of Self-Actualization was taught to me, as part of therapy, when I was a Social Work student in college, back in 1988. It is actually part of, and at the top, of Maslow's 'Hierarchy of Needs'. It is a great model, a triangle, (I am explaining this it for complete understanding.) with the bottom being basic needs, like shelter, food, etc. The ultimate is to move up the triangle (like a scale)and after all the needs are met, you get Self Actualization, at the top. The reason for the triangle/scale, is that many people, especially poor people, are limited in moving up the scale. They don't have their basic needs met, and are scared about money, shelter, etc.

But, it seems in your situation, that is not the case. The model also talks about "Love and Belonging", which is third from Self-Actualization (ok, I am explaining the, and would fit in your case, and above that is Self Esteem, which I think may fir in your case too. (No offence meant, of course) :) One notch up from Self Esteem, at the top, is Self Actualization..the "Goal". The idea is to go up the scale, but, of course, people move around in the scale.

I use the Maslow model in my work with addictions and mental health. Sadly, most of my younger colleagues don't. It is just one model, but is majorly important, and useful, in psychotherapy.

So, I hope that helps you a bit. Still, look the Maslow model up. (Abraham Maslow was the theorist)
I am trained in psychotherapy (not advertising! lol), an MSW, if you would be interested in a few (free) sessions, via Zoom or Skype, or having them in a chat session (or telephone). No pressure. :)

Take care!


Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
-Don Miguel Ruiz-




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