Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: help, but no thanks... Long and boring

Posted by B2chica on November 14, 2017, at 15:24:34

In reply to Re: help, but no thanks... Long and boring, posted by PeterMartin on November 14, 2017, at 14:38:01

hello PeterMartin

i want to thank you for responding. i wasnt sure about coming back on so quickly, i was afraid that if no one would have responded, it would have put one more nail in my would-be coffin. (as desperately pathetic as that sounds)

You are right, that is the best response you could give.

about meds, about year and half ago zyprexa finally pooped out on me and no longer does the trick.
stimulants, yes thats what caused this all. I had been doing well until the company that makes the only generic that works for me got bought out and they are no longer making generic Adderall. (CorePharma mfg.). no other stim seems to be the same (i've tried i think 5 generic Adderall's. and none are the same as that brand. Even though it was great for my ADD, I actually relied on it more as an AD. So when that was gone, it sent me out to the middle of the ocean.

i'm absolutely fine telling you what meds im on, but know i've also been on about 35 other meds in the past, either no response, horrid side fx, or worked but pooped out.

Pristiq 100mg, Evekeo 20mg BID, Gabapentin TID (today changed to 4total with extra at bedtime), lorazapam PRN, ambien PRN, lunesta PRN.

i was really upset after discussion with pdoc and couldnt calm so i took extra meds. so i'm kinda mellow now. However, my intent has not changed i'm just not freaking out about it anymore. infact, kinda tired. i need to do something, paint, write, do some work, housework something... but i cant seem to leave this chair. not sure if its fear, or the extra gaba. just chillin listening to spotify and looking at suicide statistics. i'd laugh, but cant, my brain and body's affect dont match.

i'm just one giant f-up. been that way since birth. my whole life has been an uphill battle, and constantly fighting. and now i'm tired.

*the other part of my brain is now saying, 'oh shut the hell up, we all have uphill battles. Everyone of us deals with sh*t everyday, just only some whine about it, others just plow through it.

well i'm tired of plowing through. i'm stuck.
i want to lay down and just let the birds come and take me away. :|

[this is the constant back and forth dialog going on in my head for the last three days..]

"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:B2chica thread:1095871