Posted by Fiftylager1 on February 22, 2016, at 11:25:17
Hey everyone. I've read through lots of threads and its a great supportive community. My current diagnosis is bipolar 2 with gad, social anxiety, panic attacks and I don't know what else. I've been this way as long as I can remember. I've been on the med go round and starting to think there are none that will work for me. Either I can't tolerate the side effects or they don't help much. I'm currently in a pretty bad depression and spend probably 90% of my time or more this way. I used to rapid cycle but not anymore. When I'm hypo manic it's also dysphoric so that's not pleasant the very few times it happens now. Maybe it rarely happens now because of meds. I just live in depression. Currently I take lamotrigine 200mg and clonazepam 0.5, 2 daily and 3 at night. I've tried so many. I can't go higher on lamotrigine because I go into a complete stupor and my hands already shake badly. I've done it before and it doesn't help anyways. I don't know how to climb out of this hole. Im 38 with 2 teens. I ruminate on the thought that once they are on their own I will end it all. I think of dying a lot and always have a negative dialog ye in my head. I've been very stressed lately because of financial issues, and trying to tie up lose ends with husband so we can divorce and just life in general. I can't even see my psychiatrist often because I live in a remote area where he only comes once in awhile. I feel like I'm spiraling into something worse... I am starting to hear water running when it's not, weird body sensations, repeating things over and over in my head and difficulty sleeping. I'm always talking to myself in my head negatively. I have no energy, I'm scared to leave the house but I do very reluctantly when necessary. It's an effort even to take a shower. My kids and boyfriend think I'm just lazy. I haven't told my bf about my diagnosis because he'd run just from the labels. He's a business man with a reputation to uphold. He thinks I just have anxiety and don't like to socialize. I feel lost and alone. I have my kids but they are teens with their own lives and they get frustrated by me. I have no family or friends around. I guess I'm just here to see how other people cope and have some online friends who understand. Thanks for having me on here.
poster:Fiftylager1
thread:1086405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160131/msgs/1086405.html