Posted by B2chica on February 16, 2016, at 19:06:14
In reply to Re: pdoc...hands in air. now what » SLS, posted by SLS on February 16, 2016, at 6:16:26
i didnt even know why i was crying, i wasnt sad, it was a very physical reaction. and my pdoc? i called him from a park where i was going to kill myself. he heard me not able to stop crying, said it was the med, to get off med immedaitely and go straight home and call him the next day. i did and was better in acouple days.
Remeron i was only on for a few days in the hospital, it did do anything for me so the day before i left the doc took me off it (probabloy put me on something else but cant remember).
Latuda...um yes, i think that one did. although i wasnt sure if it wasnt doing anything and i was just getting worse, or if my getting worse was med induced.
i have only heard of Keppra and am VERY willing to try it. i will keep that name in my back pocket when i see pdoc next.
and oddly enough (just call me mrs. paradox) i actually start to have the psychosis when my depression gets severe. although they say its a mixed state but im not so sure thats always true.i also tend to have my depressions first, then 'bing' straight up into anxiety ridden depressive mania.
You know its good to hear that. you are absolutely right about the time thing. this bout has lasted longer (partly pdoc issue but i digress). and it will take a longer time to heal up.i do feel periods of normalcy. usually good bit of time. but every year right around halloween-ish, november-ish i start having trouble sleeping, then that usually goes to aggitation (which could be considered mania side) but then soon depression and sometimes i dont have the aggitation, sometimes it goes straight to depression, than usually if depression gets severe (its like my body reacts to the severe depression and i bounce straight in to high energy with a positive emotion but only for about a day, quickly the thoughts turn negative, so think about having nothing but disdain and contempt for yourself and life in general, now add manic energy behind that and there i am. trying to control myself to not move. headphones here i come.
honestly its the fact that i DO have a nice long normal bout that allows me to really withstand the severist of either side... i think that;s why i feel blessed in a way to have a bipolar aspect as i know there are two sideds, and just when i dont think i can stand the depression any longer, here comes the manicy side. and when i cant stand that whoop theres me lying in bed for a week.
i cant thank you enough. mostly for the encouraging words, and well making me not feel completly alone... you have no idea...(scratch that you do) how alone i've been feeling lately. it seems like when i need people the most (which isnt all that often) there is no one around.
exhibit A- saw pdoc yesterday, she is supposed to get back to me to let me know what is up with my med regime, i hear nothing. i call to get 2nd opinion doc and cant get in till march 10th. asked T for sooner appt. and she's booked, no space at all....
my (1) work friend i almost never see now because im only part time and hours only overlap a little.BUT... as i say this despite my little personal pity party, i am dedicating to my writing. infact i'm writing now between psychobabble notes. i'm working on YA novel, but also writing a few short stories in between...
today i am not really writing, but trying to edit... its tough though. but at least i have enough energy to sit upright in my chair (Ha).
thanks Scott.
b2
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:B2chica
thread:1086203
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160131/msgs/1086234.html