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Re: med update...

Posted by B2chica on October 30, 2012, at 9:16:48

In reply to Re: med update... » B2chica, posted by Phillipa on October 29, 2012, at 20:48:52

kinda nervous today. last night my DH kept getting mad at me for things and finally i was in bed crocheting (minding my own business) and he kept asking what i was doing, why i was in the bedroom and not out in theliving room, finally i just said nicely "please leave me alone" he got so pissed told me to "just die and go to hell". :(
after that all i could think of was letting go and dying. i kept thinking i'm really not participating in that world, DH cooks cuz he's been picking up oldest daughter from school which means he's home earlier than i. he also been doing laundry (same reason) HE does grocery shopping. so really what DO i do? as he says i sit on my *ss and crochet. (partly true) but i'm making Christmas gifts for people.

Just to give a little insight to my DH for others. its clear that he has Borderline personality disorder and can change his emotions on a dime. i do Love him very much and when its good its great. But he yells alot, and plays mind games turning my words around and such. blames everyone else for things, Never accounts for own actions. And has never lived on his own so doesn't have the maturity or experience which he pretends to have.
BUT he is a good father when hes' not acting all borderline. when he is in a good mood he is a good husband but mostly husband is the last part to play on his list. son first (new)father second then good brother, then good uncle/neighbor, THEN comes being a husband.

wow. this became a rant about DH.
sorry. but i was really hurt last night. i'm a religious person and take it seriously when someone tells me to 'go to hell'. i think its terrible. i'd much rather be called names that told that. ESPECIALLY when my meds aren't working that well.

So Phillipa sorry, to answer your question. i'm doing a bit better today. i had a good nights rest. no bad dreams. got up a little late but had time to take a shower and feel good that i did.
back to pristiq 100 this morning. i think it may take a couple days to get back better. But i think i do like taking less perphenazine at night. i think pdoc was dead on right when he said that was the cause of all my somnolence.

i wish my pdoc was my friend and not just my doctor. i know i cant have both. To be REAL honest, i wish he were my father...
i wish i had someone IRL that i could vent like this too. i just want to be held right now. :`{

thanks for listening.
b2


"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:B2chica thread:1030193
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121029/msgs/1030303.html