Posted by b2chica on October 2, 2012, at 15:17:54
In reply to Re: PS. what should i do? » SLS, posted by SLS on October 2, 2012, at 14:35:45
> Your doctor is worried that you are either becoming suicidal or that your mania is escalating to become psychotic, even though you are not there yet. He wants to prevent either of these things from happening in the absence of 24 hour professional supervision.
> - Scott
>i was suicidal last night but impulsively so. i have no desire to die right now, but i'm angry and want to push limits. the problem is i tend to suck these emotions inward and end up playing roulette with my meds. one day the bullet will come with a drastic end.
my visual illusions and raging paranoia are gone. i still have a couple visual things now and again, like a big tree turning into a thanksgiving day turkey. but comon. thats funny right? not scary. so i dont really count things like that.i am in need of something. some intervention but i dont know what i expect out of my doctor. i dont know what i want let a lone how to ask for 'it'.
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i'm feeling the surges now inside me. of anger and energy. if only i could get on the treadmill now. but by the time i get off work, pick up my youngest and go home i'll be tired and angry, instead of energy and angry. then my angry energy will build but i'll have no outlet again and i'll end up taking too many pills. or drink.
see. i'm psychic too...
i'll report tomorrow and tell you all how much of that happens.if i dont report...i've gone into the hospital.
thanks
b2c.
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1027311
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121001/msgs/1027336.html