Posted by brynb on August 16, 2012, at 16:12:36
In reply to Advice, posted by don'ttalktome on August 15, 2012, at 11:49:31
> Hi I have been recently diagnosed with bipolar after a heartbreaking manic episode that lasted the better part of a year fueled by drugs, alcohol and prescription meds. I am now trying to battle through this deep depression sobriety guilt and loss of what I did and who I hurt during my last episode, I have started Lamictal and although it's only been a week i'm wondering if it's actually going to help my bipolar depression or eventually sent me spiralling out of control like the Effexor did? I too share the obsession to research hoping that this horrible life i'm living can be cured with silly things like fish oils or hyperglycemic diets. I'm so frustrated and exhausted and so are my family and what friends I have left. I'm so worried i'm going to lose the few loved ones that remain in my life. I guess i'm just looking for someone with experience in this disaster to lead me in the right direction. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
> AJBHi AJB-
I've suffered from debilitating depression since I was a teenager (I'm 38 now), and it only got worse with age. As a result, I self-medicated w/ practically every substance (pills and illegal drugs) from the time I was 28 up until my mid 30s. It was only recently that my mood disorder was properly addressed (as opposed to the substance abuse issue--the mood disorder was wrongly treated subsequently).
I'm clean now; I basically got tired of using drugs--they stopped "working," caused way more harm/shame/guilt than I could handle, and I was able to recognize that my underlying mood disorder was the real issue and that using drugs completely threw off the balance of my fragile brain chemistry.
It's not clear whether I have Bipolar or MDD (my current pdoc has yet to say definitively), but during the past few years it's become VERY apparent that treating myself well (taking my meds as prescribed, eating well and having good sleep patterns) has made a HUGE difference. I completely understand the guilt and shame and obsession over past mistakes, as well as the pain loved ones suffered. This held me back from getting well. It was a vicious cycle. If it's any consolation, the longer you stay clean and try to stabilize things, the more people will begin to trust you again.
Be kind to yourself. Meditate. Be mindful. Try to think positively. Don't get stuck in the past. Mistakes don't define you and are actually lessons (and sometimes blessing in disguise). It does get better.
And for sure keep researching/reading about meds/alternatives/things that can be helpful. Being self-aware is a blessing and a curse, but you can use it to your advantage :).
-b
poster:brynb
thread:1023348
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120803/msgs/1023442.html