Posted by Shonn Frank on May 19, 2012, at 13:55:10
In reply to To Novelagent and others » Novelagent, posted by EEERRRIIICCC on May 9, 2012, at 14:27:35
Hey poser,
Sounds like you were dealt a bad hand with that cat scratch. Sorry. I know t'll just sound cliche for me to say that life hands you situations for the sole purpose of growing from them.. but I swear it's true.
I understand your mind state, being in a depression. I was there only a couple years ago. First of all, ever since I hit my early twenties life just became undoable to me. Money, relationships, my future, expectations, security.....It was too much for me to juggle and I was a mess. Then about 7 years ago, things really started "falling apart" in my life, almost systematically it seemed. I'll spare you the stories; I know we all have them, but my point is that I was f---ked up. I hated my life, hated waking up.
I tried every drug imaginable, legal and illegal. As far as legal, the only thing that was halfway effective was lexipro, and getting high on street drugs was fine for a minute, until the dopamin was all dried up, then it was worse. Very much like you describe your K experience. It sucks, but because those few hours of "pleasure" are the closest thing to happiness we get to have, my life was always about getting hold of some. (Btw, you could do this without ever appearing to be your stereotypical "junkie" but the instability it causes is just toxic and you deteriorate on the inside.)Anyway, today I am happy and have been for almost two years...not happy meaning "getting by" or "not AS bad" no completely and thoroughly happy...and this is after basically being rendered homeless and penniless. (It really is a wild story lol) This is because seven years ago, I opened up a book, it was written by Guy Finley, but he is only one of a number of authors that are labeled "new age," and they are only regurgitating what spiritual masters have since the beginning.... yet still, being indoctrinated into the Catholic church, I had never even thought in such a way. I was instantly moved and I ended up reading tons and tons of books and also practicing (or trying) meditation and other mindfulness exercises that I had read about.
All during those dark times, I tried to combat the negative states with readings or audio talks from these teachers. It didn't always work, as you know your mind can be almost impossible to contain at times...but the key is to keep trying and most important, remaining aware of your thoughts.
So, while I was sinking further and further, I was also growing in knowledge and understanding and at the climax, when all was lost, it was nothing short of a miracle. I went to bed tearing and woke up new...and I never looked back. All of the cliches you hear are true.
I have a close friend going through a similar depression (it seems to be popular these days), and my heart breaks because I feel like I know why and what will help, but I don't know how to make him believe me. Same here. lol But I swear to you, it is the answer. Good Luck anyway, my friend. I do feel your pain.
Hre is a quick link I just googled with some names and you could take it from there. Just start reading. (It can't hurt, right?)
http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/2003/05/Spiritual-Masters-Modern-Teachers-Guides-And-Gurus.aspx
poster:Shonn Frank
thread:1017042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120508/msgs/1018253.html