Posted by B2chica on April 12, 2012, at 12:13:41
In reply to Re: is this mania or » B2chica, posted by Zyprexa on April 12, 2012, at 4:01:44
i'm beginning to think maybe its the generic zyprexa. i never had this problem with reg. zyprexa.
i feel like i'm freaking out. i'm a nervous wreck.
i cant think but in small snipits. i can read but cant comprehend...worse than normal.
about 10:30 when my normal depression starts to hit i started to ruminate about suicide. i felt impulsive, wanted to leave work, down all my pills and jump into a lake...not a joke. '
on the other hand i felt frozen like i cant move.
like that now.
i took 600mg gabapentin at that time so i wouldnt leave.
i'm a hurricane inside but outer muscles feel frozen.
i'm confused and energetic.
periodically i'm able to work. right now i cant focus (thus why i'm web surfing)
i also have waves of distraught, and excitement.
God i just want to be put out. both of my misery and ...idk.
i want something i cant have.
i cant write my own stuff either.
i'm sad and energetic at the same time. feels bad. i guess i keep typing cuz i dont know how to explain it. or more precisely i have many ways to describe it.
what is this...bad side effect dysphoric mania, aggitation? hypomania?
i know you cant help me.
i know you'll say call pdoc but he's gotta be sick of seeing me. nobody really cares anyway.
i mean its all on me ya know. 'I' have to make that change. 'I' have to want to get better. maybe i dont. maybe i just want to curl up and make life go away.
i wish i could do that.
make life go away, for a while anyway.
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."