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Re: Desperate - tell me more, Scott » SLS

Posted by Solstice on February 19, 2012, at 22:14:21

In reply to Re: Desperate » Solstice, posted by SLS on February 19, 2012, at 21:13:33

> Oh. I forgot to mention that your daughter might currently be experiencing a bipolar mixed-state. That would explain the morphing of the hypomania from one that feels pleasant to one that feels dysphoric.
>
>
> - Scott


I want to understand it better.

She has never had what we normally think of as 'depression' - in that she has never been shut down, or in bed, or sad, or feeling hopeless.

On the contrary, her self-image is either what I would consider fairly balanced, or it's inflated. She could never be accused of thinking poorly of herself. She's not at all self-conscious. She's generally sensitive to and compassionate toward the suffering of others. She has a reputation of being the champion of the underdog.

The elevation that gets my attention is where her self-expectations get markedly unreasonable, talking incessantly and randomly, being intense and excessively 'hyper,' and is unable to sleep for extended periods.

What makes it especially difficult is that her perceptions of things (during her current state) are really off, and somewhat paranoid. Her rapid and random thinking and talking means she doesn't *really* hear what the other is saying - so she jumps to crazy conclusions to fill in the gaps, I guess. Anyway, that's what I've been observed as contributing to her reactivity. She will have these intense and out-of-proportion reactions to things. It's very unpredictable. I can be having a fairly normal conversation with her (despite her intensity, etc.), and she'll suddenly completely misinterpret something and fly off the handle - and get really crazy. Any attempts to diffuse it seems to further agitate her. She can't be reasoned with, and her ideas about what's going on just get more and more illogical. All that can happen in a flash - and once she escalates like that, she gets really intense about how impossible her life is and it takes on a desperate quality.

I want to understand what goes with what. I don't know which symptoms fall into which category. I've felt blessed that her bipolar has been more hypomania alternating with a normal state - except that I think she spent the first 14 years of her life in a perpetual hypomania that got difficult enough to get our attention when she hit puberty. It was an unbelievable experience to 'meet' the real *her* when the Geodon diminished the hypomania. I remember her telling me how weird it was for her to realize that she was feeling 'feelings.' Before Geodon, her head was spinning so fast all the time that she never genuinely 'felt' a range of emotions. She liked a lot of stuff and was real excitable, but it wasn't until the Geodon settled the hypomania that she started to get to know herself, and feel moved by things, or concerned about things - the more moderate range of emotions that are felt deeply.

Sorry - I'm getting sidetracked - but I've read a lot of things that made it sound like the irritability/anger explosions are related to the hypomania.. but that didn't make sense to me. Is the irritability a feature of hypomania, or is it really a version of depression? I just don't understand how it works, which makes it kind of hard to discuss with her doctor, and even with my daughter.

Appreciate the help, Scott.

Solstice


 

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