Posted by g_g_g_unit on February 15, 2012, at 19:47:53
In reply to depressive emotions, posted by g_g_g_unit on February 13, 2012, at 6:21:10
Thank you for all of your responses. I really appreciate not being denigrated. Sometimes illness can give rise to ugly, shameful emotions and it's reassuring to be able to share them here.
For the record, I'm currently doing both CBT (with an OCD specialist) as well as psychotherapy (with my psychiatrist).
I've found my psychiatrist's approach to all of this marginally confusing. His conviction is that the only escape route from shame (as opposed to guilt) is to maximize your functioning, to "emulate those you envy".
But what if emulation is beyond your current capabilities? I said that I appreciate his encouragement, but, without wanting to insult him, the thought that I might regain any functionality is a distant fantasy, if the last 3 and a half years of depression (not to mention OCD, ADHD) are anything to go by.
What if there really is no hope? Shouldn't it be his job to counsel me and temper my expectations? Maybe, as a result of illness, medication, I'll never reach the standards or goals I set for myself, or live the life I might have been capable of without illness. In that case, if the only escape from shame is achievement, then how do you ever learn to forgive or appreciate yourself?
I likewise found CBT's approach to this unhelpful. It was suggested I seek out alternative sources of self-worth - e.g. as a family member. But really, that just encourages the kind of dependency I'm so wary of. Being some rag-doll who exists for others doesn't fill the void. There's nearly nothing I'm able to achieve on a day-by-day basis that aligns with my self-interests. I feel like a shell.
And to answer Jono's question, I'm currently taking Parnate.
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1010125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120212/msgs/1010390.html