Posted by uncouth on November 11, 2011, at 19:47:21
In reply to Re: I'm losing all hope...so tired of fighting in vain » gadchik, posted by ihatedrugs on November 11, 2011, at 2:51:05
ihatedrugs,
i'm so very sorry for your pain. i wish i could solve it or offer any suggestions, but i'd say don't give up with the ECT. you're not in a state to be making good judgements about your own health. do it. do it as long as it takes. keep doing it. some people need 50+ before it kicks in.
also I just wanted to say, your post was so simply written but said so very much. i don't know if you've read the book Infinite Jest, but it sorta changed my life. It won't solve your problems, but the writer David Foster Wallace suffered from severe depression and addiction and this 1000 page novel has the most beautiful and accurate portrayal of mental illness including its description of depression...anyway the point is, you remind me of one of the chapters about a man who slipped and fell (this is all fiction but he writes it so well) in his basement one day and woke up in the ER with the most soul crushing depression that wouldn't go away. and nobody understood. but he kept on going on despite all.
i have been in places similar to where you are. i had 23 sessions of ECT. which didn't help things, but I eventuallyr ecovered despite that.
i don't know what things will happen to you, but just keep trying. see if you can get into some ketamine trials
or tell your doctor to let you try riluzole
anything
something
keep trying
please, please, keep reaching out. if you have to post 10x a day on psychobabble, then do it. we are here for you. i have found the most sensitive and understanding people on this board, over the years, it has been a godsend.i'm so sorry for your pain.
poster:uncouth
thread:1002146
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111110/msgs/1002309.html