Posted by floatingbridge on February 24, 2011, at 19:19:05
In reply to Re: New research on Depressed Moms, posted by Twinleaf on February 24, 2011, at 17:52:28
- I think it's great you posted the article here. It is such a vital area, and important to everyone raising children and everyone dealing with the consequences of maternal deprivation.Yes. I agree, twinleaf. Morgan, actually I was in the middle (really) of a major panic attack when I wrote. It struck me this morning like that ton of bricks that I
am a 'nice', good, moral person who's 'borderline'. It is incredibly painful where ever it arose from (my personal sensitivity + neglect, abuse, and negative reinforcement aka verbal abuse.).Morgan, the question about your family of origin; well, I apologize for it. That was
written in anger and also cultural anger. Over and over again, mothers with depression are singled out as being so horribly faulty that we almost purposefully act in ways that harm our vulnerable, wonderful children. No matter what. Like being around a toxic waste dump (lovely image). That depressed moms are toxic to the tribe. I just say enough of that. Like yeah, so what can be done? As a depressed parent (hey, any studies about depressed (not abusive) dads?). So my question was angry and inappropriate. I apologize completely.twinleaf, you are spot on. Day to day, I carry a boatload of guilt, fear, and concern for my son. What a non depressed parent does w/o effort is very difficult for the depressed parent. As that article points out, and what can chill a parent (we already know this) is that there is that bond deeper than actions like: baby cries, mom comforts it. That reward center isn't sparking: the child feels this deeply no matter what the parent does.
Morgan, you apologized for posting it. Don't. Please. And I hope we are still friends (witness sense of abandonment at work).
Twinleaf, you weren't a depressed parent? If so, you did not endure a
miniature, internal hell.I envy non-depressed parents. They give their child something all the breastfeeding cannot compensate for; I know that in my bones; today has been very difficult. It's my coming out day to
myself. Bedrock. Horrifying. But that is what Borderline personality is about
(time for a new name). Horrifying pain and fear.>
> What really stood out to me was that
the reward centers of the brains of depressed mothers did not light up in a
normal way when they heard a baby crying. Without that, there's no
> way for them to be really want to be with their babies.However, I did want more than anything to be with my baby. I still do. In fact, some tie-cutting and growing up has been happening that is reaaally difficult.
I'd still like to carry him around :) The
article mentioned blunting--a dulling, but not necessarily an extinguishing. (I am a little sensitive, so excuse the close reading.)My own experience was ambivalence based (I thought) on fear in part, and depression (just wanting to curl away
from life and die). So yes, there
was too much going on. And no clearcut
biological imperative to naturally
(effortlessly) respond. But how I wanted to; and respond through that gauzy cloud
of depression I did--with effort. To this day, I respond to certain cries when in public. Like arrows. I joked a few months agowith one mom. Neither of us have nursed for at least a few years--yet both of us felt 'our milk let down' to some kid's crying in public.>Psychotherapy would seem to be the best way to restore this interpersonal
reward system.Yes! I'm still hoping.
>Medications probably can't affect it
very much, can they?Not yet. But today my pdoc, whom I called s.o.s sent an interesting link about a particular hormone circulating in women suffering from ptsd. I'll find. Hope for future, novel approaches. I
mean, unless an illness has a firm biological basis, imo, meds are helpers,
be they crutches or prosthetics.
> Being unable to care for a baby the way one would like must be one of the
most painful things one can endure.Yes. For me, urgent and unbelievable. Unknownable unless experienced.
>All new knowledge is very welcome.:) Hallelujah.
fb
*keep a green tree in your heart
& a singing bird will come.
MDD & C-PTSD
poster:floatingbridge
thread:979678
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110220/msgs/979729.html