Posted by floatingbridge on November 4, 2010, at 17:08:09
In reply to Yep., posted by Brainbeard on November 4, 2010, at 15:46:44
> I recognize the feeling, yes. Sometimes I have a feeling that goes with the repetitive thought: 'I don't want to' - period. I mean, it's not that I don't want something specific, but rather that my will is quitting wanting altogether in an act of utter despair.
>
Your 'will is quitting wanting altogether'? I'm not sure I understand. I do feel 'will'
deficient. And yes, despair.Why does an act of will seem so difficult? Why can I and other times not? I can't quit.
Secondary gains. Hmmm. I usually use this as a weapons of self-injury. Why would I want to be like this? Sometimes I suspect as a perverse way of keeping connection with my parents. But I can't take this fatigue! My pdoc has theories....
But what about 'blame'? That I willfully pursue illness? I'm not saying you are saying that. I am. Like if I could find a
key. Maybe that is unhelpful thinking--a once and for all solution or insight. What's a cure?Thanks BB
> Freud theorized about what he called 'secondary gain', by which he meant that psychic illness always has some gain to offer, otherwise our psyche wouldn't invest so much in the illness. OCD, for one thing, and especially compulsions, offers an addictive chain of little bursts of dopamine rewards. With every check, every conciliary act, the reward system pumps itself up - for the next check, the next act... It's never enough. Like gambling. Much like gambling.
>
>
>
C-PTSD currently set to twitch. MDD and comorbid health issues. Chronic fatigue and pain.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:968403
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101030/msgs/968470.html