Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 28, 2010, at 22:58:47
In reply to Some stuff that happened, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 27, 2010, at 16:33:13
The tendency to abuse stimulants, like alcohol...[in excessive loads] it didnt happen frequent, it just happened "one" time and that "one" time ended all of it. And the devesation that i'm feeling is ... unreal. I cannot believe that ... maxime knows I'm prone to abuse stimulants, and it's something called "abstinance" where you refrain from acting on behavior that is like sex, or doing things that you just have to resist...but eventually if you let your guard down and say...i'll pass on it, it can go on for years without being known, or it could be found out as quick like it did now.
I know I have a problem now, and ... i was given a chance and I went very well with taking it properly until just one time, and it just got exposed, and now more people know about and they'll always suspect are you on "something" and ... that's just going have to be something I'm going to have to deal with. Like seeing probation officer's but not for a probation, just a known problem that is like alcoholism. Once your an alcoholic, your an alcoholic, but you can accept it and ... move on.
I don't know what i'm gonna do, I just know that I have a problem with abusing stimulants and then drinking alcohol, and i'm just gonna confess it. It's addiction, and addiction leads to worse things when acted on. I know good people that let me have a chance once, [my aunt and uncle] and I stayed very good for a long period of time, but there came a period that I did begin to abuse it behind the scenes, and it just surfaced in alter behavior, and I tried to act..."i'm fine" then...it let eventaully to an overdose that happened and caused siezures which I even tried to "mask" those from happening, to keep everyting safe...it caused just a collapse in mental functiong, because amphetamine burns out the nuerons in the brain when used over repeated doses for periods of time.... and I had leave from ... living with my aunt and uncle, and I just know that there is an impulse that will cause this. Now the devesation of that happening was like ... being in Lucifer's position cast out into darkness, LOL! just not as painful because there was no fire and danmation.
I do know there is a spirit of temptation that will lie divine thoughts of profacy that are false, and they will never come to be. Alot of people don't believe or care about the spirit relm but they see what your doing and begin manifesting on fleshly desires to lead to carnal death, to have your soul in hell.
I now know, exactly all of the whole thing, and stop lying to myself that I don't have an addiction in that area. It's just .... incredibly painful because that was the only medication that normalized thinking and I blew it.
Learn from my mistakes and experiences people.
M
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:941106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100328/msgs/941266.html