Posted by meltingpot on November 11, 2009, at 11:43:58
Hi,
As I've probably mentioned before in 2005 my Seroxat seemed to lose it's affect and since then I've been back and forth to various psychiatrists and have tried adding other agents and switching to other meds to no avail. Having said that I've always been better on medication than off it. Last December I started to feel awful even on Lexapro, I was wretching, pacing my room in the morning, feeling really anxious and suicidal.
At that point, incidently, I was referred to a new NHS psychiatrist because the previous ones last year had all been different locums. I was feeling fairly hopeful, afterall I was seeing a permanent psychiatrist who I would hopefully be able to build up a good and collaborative relationship with.
I went to see him and told him how bad I was feeling, he said without any emotion or empathy "he was sorry to hear that" to which I replied "your being sorry doesn't really help me very much". He then went on to say that he wouldn't be trying any new medications and that perhaps I should try a more hollistic approach I asked him what he suggested and he said mindfulness. I said that I'd already been seen (for several months) by a therapist and we had tried "mindfulness" and I didn't find it in the slightest bit helpful. So at the end of the session I was left with no recommendations, no advice, just him saying that he would have a word with my previous therapist to see if it would be worthwhile my having more therapy. To be honest that was the start of a really awful relationship, I've never felt such hatred for a psychiatrist as I have him. (with the exception of one other one). This guy was like a robot when it came to treating me.
After months, he got back to me he told me that he had spoken to my therapist and she didn't think having any more therapy would help me so he said that he was sending me for a second opinion which admittedly was good of him.
I got my appointment for a second opinion (after about another three months, the Psychiatrist was a psychiatrist who specialised in both medication and therapy, a Dr Albeniz. After telling him all about myself and my feelings he started to move the conversation towards (guess what) mindfulness. He compared my situation to that of two men who had both lost their legs and where one who accepted his condition and where the other one would not accept his condition and wanted his doctors to grow him new legs. I have to say tht at this point I was feeling exasperated. I could see his point of view but to be perfectly honest if I was in a wheelchair now, it wouldn't be the fact that I couldn't walk that I would be complaining about, it would be the depression and thee anxiety I feel. After our lengthy discussion he asked me if I felt any better after our conversation to which I replied "no". His manner towards me then went from being friendly and sympathetic to hostile.
Anyway I again left his appointment feeling frustrated. After this appointment I heard nothing further from anyone so I complained and was then sent an appointment to see the first psychiatrist who had sent me for a second opinion. I asked him what he was going to recommend and he just simply said "nothing".
Fortunately, I am now seeing a private psychiatrist and I do have somebody I can turn to for help. I have told her that I am coming off meds (except for Zyprexa) for 6 months in the hope that the Seroxat will work again. It has now been two months and every day I feel completely wretched, lack energy, listless, lifeless, nauseas and very apathetic. If I thought that I would feel like this for the rest of my days then it would be unbearable. I will not be able to last for six months and can only keep this up for 3 months. I'm also not feeling very optimistic about Seroxat ever working again.
I have now put in a formal complaint to the NHS to which they have responded and to which I am complaining again.
I guess I can sort of see there point of view, after all they have been trying since 2005 and my question is, is it right for me to expect the NHS Mental Health Services to carry on trying to get me better or should I just take the meds that no longer work as they used to and settle for a generally unhappy existence?
With all their talk of being "mindful" I feel as though they are telling me that I should just go away and just concentrate on accepting the fact that I feel completely crap (when not on medication) and not as good as I'd like to feel when on it.
Denise
poster:meltingpot
thread:925343
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091107/msgs/925343.html