Posted by delna on November 8, 2009, at 16:15:30
In reply to When Did You Say 'I'm Treatment Resistant'?, posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2009, at 12:09:59
> Just thinking when did you say hey I'm treatment resistant? Was it a life event that was the beginning of meds? Illness? Change in Life Circumstances? Phillipa
Post Geodon....
when I had to get off geodon and I tailspinned back into my former state.
I realized that I had been depressed/unstable my whole life (since 12) and completely non-functional. I had tried really hard to be 'normal' ,keep a job and have a life but I just couldn't do it. I stayed in bed all day,cried all the time and couldn't function like others around me. People just thought it was 'me' (and so did I). I just thought I was a weak person and 'different' (in that I thought life was a punishment) .
Only my sis didn't think like that and pushed me to see pdocs( mainly because I was suicidal all the time). Somehow I thought that was normal- being suicidal, that is.So for me meds came years after I had been formally (and wrongly) diagnosed (18).
I took my first med at 24 and only because I made another suicide attempt. Post that I tried so many drugs but I kept relapsing,not responding or was unable to tolerate side effects so I was never really okay (in retrospect).I only realized that once I took Geodon (33). That's the first time I accepted that I was ill because Geodon made me realize what normal felt like.
(I've had feelings of being not-depressed in the past but only when I have been hypomanic or high on ADs.)
So now that I cant take APs, I feel I am treatment resistant.Since the only one drug that has ever worked on me and made me functional(without crippling side effects) is one that I cannot take. Nor can I take any in that class, which are promising.
Plus the failed parnate attempt didn't help matters.
Now I have to go backwards and revisit the old drugs (like effexor) with different add-ons and now a mood stabilizer. I'm not too hopeful though.Wow, i went on and on.....
sorry, I just needed to share here. I feel quite alone. No one else understands why I feel so hopeless. they think there are tons of effective drugs out there (that make you normal) and that new ones keep flooding the market weekly.Love
D
poster:delna
thread:924961
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091107/msgs/924982.html