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Is there any hope?

Posted by Cseagraves on April 2, 2009, at 18:03:23

Hi to all.

Here are several questions and would appreciate all opinions.

After much reading, researching, experimenting I'm pretty much clueless as to what will work anymore or if anything really will at all.

For someone like me with extreme GAD, SAD, agoraphobia, PTSD, (am in constant flight or fight mode, adrenaline is pumping 24 hours a day) I really don't know what to do anymore. Have read several past post from years back and have seen pretty much the same thing over and over.

Over the past 10 years I have tried Zoloft (was first med), Paxil, Wellbutrin, Effexor (briefly), Lexapro and probably one or two more that I can't remember anymore. Also, anxieties were not as severe then as they are now.

Had really looked into maoi's, but because of my allergies, I have to rely on allergy and cold medicines alot and to be honest, I don't see where they work for an extended period of time either. It seems like they take longer to find proper dosage with several weeks of ups and downs and they have just as many side effects, just maybe different from ssri's. (maois would have to be my very last resort). And do they really work all that much better in comparison to ssris? Honestly? I see them pooping out on people here all the time also.

There was also a 3 year period when I wasn't on any meds at all and was O.K. up until last February when the anxieties started back and then things slowly progressed into major anxiety and agoraphobia and fear. I feel like something triggered this and shot me into this flight or fright response and now I can't get out of it.

Looked into 5-htp, doesn't seem like it works all that well either. Has anyone had a good experience with 5-htp? Do you really think that after being on anti-depressants that we always have to be on them? Are we then in a continual search to find something else when one poops out?

When anxieties and fears are as extreme as mine, does that mean a low seratonin level? I remember when I first started taking Zoloft years ago, it mellowed me out so well, but I was only taking it to control anger, not for anxiety.

Now my anxieties are so through the roof. Racing thoughts start about an hour after I wake up in the morning and stay that way until I take a xanax to stop them for a period of time, but do not want to build up a tolerance to them because other benzos are not as effective for me. Pdoc just started me back on Zoloft at my request, but have just now gone up to 50 mgs, so not really feeling anything as of yet. I asked for it because it still seems like the one that is geared toward anxiety, depression and phobia.

The only time I am calm is when I take 1.5 xanax at night and 15 mgs of remeron to go to sleep. I also take 200mgs of L-theanine and 750 mgs. of GABA. (I think I read somewhere that I shouldn't be taking GABA).

Can't take more remeron as it makes me feel horrible and I start getting nasty side effects. (headaches and ringing in ears)

Am I just going to be spending the rest of my life chasing a med to stop this? Have tried CBT also, which was a joke considering how intense I am right now. Have tried meditation, which I still do and it helps briefly, reiki, you name it as far as trying to calm down the mind thing.

These anxieties and fears did not get bad until this last year. So I know at some point my brain was capable of dealing with issues. I can't figure out what happened and why anti-depressants aren't working, but I do feel like I just need to find a way to retrain my brain.

My thought when all of this started was to get on something to make all of the anxieties and fears shut down long enough for me to work things out in therapy, but I can't seem to find anything to make them stop at this point.

I read on some previous post about permanent brain damage from meds. Really? Can our brains ever heal on there own? When I was reading up on the 5-htp, from what I read it is supposed to bring seratonin levels back up naturally. Is it worth a shot or should I just stick it out with the zoloft? I have to ask myself is it worth going through this torture everyday of shaking and constant paranoia for about a year to see if my brain can straighten itself out or am I permanately at the mercy of relying on meds the rest of my life that might or might not work.

I also take plenty of vitamins and supplements. Have always been a major health nut so getting the right supplements is not the issue here.

I am starting Neurolinguistic Therapy tomorrow. I found a therapist who is willing to come to my house. I've read alot about it and it seems like it is intense but is supposed to be geared for symptoms like mine. I am willing to try anything at this point.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up, maybe someone could give some suggestions. I admit that I don't have alot of patience at this point because I just want my life back. It seems like everything was ripped away from me so suddenly and my life came to a dead halt. I at least would like to be able to get out of the house without a panic attack. I want my motivation back. I want to want to do things again like clean my house, or go for a walk, or get dressed and put on make-up. I wasn't depressed until all of this other stuff started. If I can get past this other stuff, I think the depression part will lift on its own.

Please, if someone has advice tell me. (Sorry if I sound whiney. I'm actually just really pissy).





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