Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 27, 2009, at 12:39:25
In reply to Re: Not waking up functionally..., posted by desolationrower on March 27, 2009, at 3:57:31
Hi....
I posted this, and no reason...and is this, trying to show, third parties what's going on. You know after i read it, it is the truth, but i regret posting. This has to come out, this has been going on for years, and i just didnt say anything about this.
You see, i woke up this morning, and i said "oh gosh, i posted this", yet, there is nothing that needs to be not told. I was doing this, in a ventation, because i never told anyone, never had anyone to tell this to. Or, some people, just are ignorant to the fact of reality, "you live, in a war zone" get out.
I understand, since 2005-now, people in various posts, did tell me get out. And i read it, but i didnt take action because my mother would "control", every aspect. Please...could i just, have some freedom? I know the Household things that need to be done, Vacuum, Clean, and it's done. But, i do it, it's not appriated, they come home and just find something to gossip about. Hello? why don't they get out of their fake reality, and live how life is. Right now, i'm very angry, i mean, in the past it's came out in "rage", "Are you a not aware of what your doing, or just a idiot" "It's transparent what you say, with your mouth, "do what's right", yet then, you gossip, talk trash, complain, scream the wall over the neigboor hood hear's it!"
I can't react to dyphunctional situation, because it's not going to change, from my view.Alot of days, i am so depressed, i write letter's to god, "this is an illness, not a condition". Yet, i dont act depressed, it's usally shown through Irrtible sarcastic comments, right back to people who....insult, get on my nerves, (not here, reality), because i'm discusted of how i feel, and in turn who i am.
Now, getting a Job, various applications, no calls back. And it just put's me in the dump's, yet i know somedays, i do just lay in the bed, and want to die. Then a thought pops up "lazy! didnt get out the house! failure..."
And this, usally i ignore, because i condem myself in thoughts, so people won't put me down.I've found paper(s), there is alot of stuff, maybe they take the blame, out on me. "kick the cat?" ever heard that term, angry so you just take it out on someone....yet if "blow up" they play it as a game, now "M***" you need to go to your room. Take the keys away, lock up stuff, through manipulation.
This is n_o_t right.... but what of the inner issues is getting out, and getting a Job, stop thinking about!
Well......
____________________________________________
The Dexedrine does work, but it provides just a "wake up", Caffine makes causes bad effects, yet dexamphetamine actually is the opposite, i take 2 spansules (30mg), which is released half, so 15mg is released, then 3 hours later the other 15mg is slowly released in the GI plasma. Spansules are not like the tablet, there slow on onset. But, it does provide
1)Awareness, get's my thought's to reality.
2)Orginization, espeically with Speech.
3)It somewhat act's like an antidepressant, but only sometimes. Because it gives "postive" "I have to get this done, then this"But, yet at night, i still write articles, and don't reremember it. But, Seroquel...it's good sometimes for a "irrtible bad mood", but then it just "throzine's" you out. Yuk....
So, and can you understand, why these posts are long because i have explain every aspect, of what, is going on, because in the past, people just, "don't understand, more info?"
So....thanks for the response.
Any help, advice, on this situation would be good.
rj
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:887177
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090322/msgs/887263.html