Posted by HyperFocus on February 23, 2009, at 23:06:14
In reply to Re: Hurting real bad - suicidal, long, posted by JadeKelly on February 21, 2009, at 22:11:37
Hullo Jade
Thanks so much for your concern and advice. It's never too long - I wish I could have had somebody like you to tell me these things. I've been semi-lurking following your progress on PB and it's been quite inspiring. A lot of ideas for meds I've gotten from here - there is a huge amount of information and expertise here. I think this knowledge base approach to psychiatric treatment is the future. No one doctor or team of doctors could ever have at their command the knowledge here.Yeah well I paid a high price for not fighting back against bully. I have a lot of shame about this - I can't imagine telling people that I suffer from PTSD, social anxiety and depression all these years 'cause I got bullied continuously. My own family doesn't know the extent of my problem and its origins - I've kept it bottled up for all these years. Of course that's a major part of the problem If I had spoken about it somebody might have said - "hey why do you care what they say - you think they're better than you?" It's not fair to my family either especially my mom who probably thinks it's her fault that I'm so dysfunctional as an adult. I mean she wasn't the greatest mother in the history of humanity - she never taught me self-reliance, for one, but it's not fair to burden her with all this. I gotta find a way, somehow, to come to terms with shame because it's a big part of my psychological problems.
But I'm feeling better and I'm going to continue posting. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, I'm at my family's house and I'm having problems with my computer posting forms so I can't post on PB or login to my mail. I have to use the family computer. Didn't mean to leave the whole thing on a cliffhanger like that. Thanks again for your concern and I'll talk to you soon.
> Hi Hyperfocus,
>
> First I want to say that the posters before me are telling you the truth. PLEASE pay attention to Scott's words to you. He went through hell for some 25 years. I've not gone into details regarding his childhood, but he has suffered many years with hellish depression and just kept going. He recently found a treatment plan that has put him in remission and we are all so grateful. The funny thing is, he's the one EVERY ONE goes to for advice on this board. These people became my only friends. I'm like you, I can do just fine alone but I think that is part of the depression that fools you. If treated right, you could be well soon. We like to tell ourselves what I'm feeling is the reality, IT ISNT. Please believe me.
>
> Do you have family? Anyone who cares about you? I'm sure you do. I haven't talked about my personal reasons for needing to be here, but please mail me. We have some things in common that I think will help with perspective. Suffice it to say, again, not to guilt you out (okay, maybe a little) If you were to do somthing that final, you will change people. Permanently.
>
> Finally, you sound like you think you did something wrong. You've done nothing but good things. I am sorry you had to be the target of bullies. That is a huge issues in the schools right now. Its damaging and they are finally seeing its NOT OK. My son was bullied in middle school and as his mother of course I wanted to hurt someone to make it stop but I couldn't. Then one day, he walked into the bathroom and two bullies were pushing a handi-cap boy into the wall so he pee on himself. Well my son helped the kid up, befriended him, and was willing to tell which is a big no-no. You remind me very much of him.
>
> But you are GOOD they are nothing. Really read your own post to us and please highlite all the great things about yourself! Then the "others". You are still here, your biologically depressed, and are not seeing things clearly, so time to get workin on that and then take another look. You don't seem like a quitter or you wouldn't have posted us.
>
> I was in bed for a year. I was deeply depressed for 2 years. The deepest darkest hole. I had no clue how I would survive when I could barely get out of my own bed. Seeing anyone was out of the question. NOW, I'm on the right antidepressant.
> I'm actually almost back to who I was. I'm in therapy. I can say that most of the time I'm happy. I'm so glad I had faith. Please have faith too. You could have a wonderful life if you get out of the depression your in. Its not your fault. Your chemistry changes. Get that taken care of then have another look. talk here everyday if you need to. Thats what kept me going. Honestly? They saved me. They helped me with all sorts of things.
>
> Okay. Well too long. Just do nothing for now except think about how you will get out of the depression you are in. Therapy works a whole lot better when your on the right meds. But it will work now to head you in that direction. If your not in therapy, please make an emergency appt.
> This is NOT how your life ends. BELIEVE ME ;-)
>
>
> Sorry so long....bathroom reading? babblemail me anytime or email me eljakelly@verizon.net
>
>
> Hope to get to know you better! ~Jade
>
poster:HyperFocus
thread:881471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090223/msgs/882078.html