Posted by Fivefires on September 21, 2008, at 23:35:52
Some of you know I had a short stint of uncontrollable crying, then physical debilitation and hyperventilation in 2005. It lasted a few days -or- until I was given Valium. Whatever this was, I was stooped, shuffling, unsteady, holding onto things to walk, weak as if 90y/o, shaking nonstop, and often if Valium dosage late, hyperventilated until top of head (just top like a beanie) felt this pressure. No one but one person here has said they've experienced this.
Looking up nervous breakdown there is reference to emotional or mental problems, which I did not have, butt, for about three-five minutes when pdoc forgot to sign-off on eve Valium and the nurses withheld it until he called them back.
I began hyperventilating deeply and that top of head (cap like pressure) was at its worst and it was at this time I became aware of what is paranoia. I suddenly thought all pp were looking and talking about me. But, having been in med field, I KNEW WASN'T TRUE, and repeated this over and over until convinced self.
That's my only experience w/ any sort of psychoses in my life. I am so sorry for these who must live w/ this.
Enuf about this. Most of you've heard before. I just keep wondering what I wasn't told.
Instead of saying 'i'm still doing very bad', it makes more sense to say 'i'm still staying the same'.
Since there's no dx called nerve-ous breakdown, and my research has only turned up a lot of about mental breakdown, I'm told this is a major depressive episode, but, for 9 months?
My 1st dx is agoraphobia, 2nd dx is PTSD, 3rd agoraphobia with panic disorder.
So I don't know what to do. On Xanax and Xanax-XR and Provigil, though the latter not regularly and the up and down is disturbing to me so asked d.c. but pdoc wants I stay on. Can't get ins. to cover tho' so depend upon samples.
Now I've made up my own phobia. It's called everyplacebutbed-phobia.
Hot and cold. Very cold more often. Am menopausal age though would be a false menopause. Low iron, B12. Getting more labs done.
I miss you all, and am sorry I'm not participating in other conversations, but I'm really trapped in a web here.
I feel if I knew WHY THIS WAS HAPPENING or WHAT IT WAS, I might then find a way back to living. I'm still alone and wish I could talk it out more often. I want 'OUT' so badly. It's been over 9mos! Do major depressive episodes last that long? A person on a crisis line said 'what did you do to cope with this the last time you had it?'. I said 'I've never had this before. What is it anyway? I don't even know why I have it!'
Anyway, apologize for not being more helpful to others and their situation.
I keep thinking something happened to my nervous system in 2005. I've asked professionals about that pressure feeling on the top of my head and of course they think I'm talking about a HA or something; but no. The most I got which made a little sense was a tech saying some pp experience anxiety emotionally and others physically, and I was prob' experiencing it physical.
Can't remember last shower.(?) I know!
bestwishestoall&alwaysinthoughts, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:853359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080915/msgs/853359.html