Posted by Fivefires on May 19, 2008, at 7:55:54
In reply to I am here you fuckin freek » Fivefires, posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 16:16:58
I'm so sorry Pluto.
My heart is just so broken at your situation.
I know how you feel, ... but there is a child I would be very afraid would follow my example if I were to leave and there will be grandchildren I will not see, and more ...
I cannot feel love or happiness easily at this time.
I've become angry at all of it; the illness, the cost of care, the seemingly unimportance of the caring for this illness, the places like you say you fear you will end up if you stay.
I'm here at this website because all of these people, suffering themselves, put forth effort, in their different ways, to help me hang on.
(They know how wicked it is and it is most always not something we have brought upon ourselves.)
They offer their knowledge and experiences, endlessly, because they know my wish is to be well.
I don't have have much $ and I am alone and I'm not receiving good care at this time.
I've heard you say you don't want pity or tears, and I guess, I should have backed off right then, as I am, for some reason, extremely drawn to trying to help people who feel this horrid pain w/ this heart of mine, which at this time is filled with a lot of sadness about this.
It's been four years since my father passed away. There have been loves come and go. I have had homes and security come and go. For too many months, I've felt a huge burden to those I love and even to those I don't.
I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse, but in my life I am simply just not able to give up. (I am not suggesting you are doing this.) I'm trying to explain myself. I've had sadness inside for a long time. I think it was my father's death which brought so much to the surface of me, and now, a new medication I'm taking seems to be uncovering some 'aggression' beneath this sadness, and, I'm just very sorry.
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:829421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080519/msgs/829921.html