Posted by Fivefires on April 15, 2008, at 21:07:21
In reply to Re: Atypical depression is now a chemical imbalance? » Fivefires, posted by Jedi on April 15, 2008, at 1:53:04
I'm so confused and freaked, I'm moving from the bottom to the top.
Phillipa, I can't read that whole thing. I so appreciate all this info you've brought here, but in this depressed slow weary lazy state I'm in, my mind can barely get beyond the first paragraph :(.
I have every one of the symptoms of atypical, although am not eating a lot because there's nothing good to eat. I only get $10 a mo food stamps :(.
Think already told you all this.
I had T appt today and she shook her head in the 'no manner' the same way my pdoc had at mention of an MAOI months and months ago.
She confronted about borderline personality v. atypical, and looked at me like 'convince me you have one and not the other'. I mumbled about the symptoms of atypical. o_o (I love that face, but you all get that I'm sure. Are you getting sick of it yet? I hope not 'cuz it's me w/ that 'duh .. I dunno' look and right now, and these past few days of rejection by everyone in fam' and even ICMan, it's like stuck on my face.
T did send an email to my pdoc about my wanting to try an MAOI. Maybe if one worked that is proof I've atypical depression?
You're all being so helpful but my ability to be perceptive and cognitive is sort of snuffed out by these ruminating thoughts ... 'I give up ... No one likes me ... I don't know what I did wrong ... I kind of like me and don't get why no one else does ... Maybe fam is rejecting me to push me into the action which will get me into a hospital but then I'll be treated inproperly and don't they get that'.
I'll bet some one of you would like to reach through your pute and give me a slap to wake me out of this stupor. I don't think you could hurt me. I'm numb.
An important indicator may be its onset?
First experience w/ feeling sad for no reason, unless my subconscious knew something I didn't, was at age 20. I was married to someone who loved my bubbly personality. I was his 'laugh of the party'. I was so far from where I am today. After a year or so, at some point, this 'bubbly me' would go away for a while. I said maybe I should seek help. He said 'I'll not be married to anyone who needs to see a psych doc' and he left me.
I went into an immediate panic attack (couldn't breathe; didn't know what it was called) and parents rushed me to an ER. I was begun on Librium.
After a while I noticed (duh) this seemed to be happening at the same time every month. So, therein came the dx of PMS, as PMDD had not yet been thrown into the coding books.
I met someone who filled the void of my first husband's absence and was very happy for a couple years w/o a lot of downs .. in fact .. I barely remember any. UNTIL, he hurt me physically.
The 2wks up and 2wks down became more noticeable again, but at this time I was in 'fear of violence' every day too. So that period of time was just not ever good.
My PMDD was treated w/ everything a really good doc could think of, but w/ nothing being effective, including Prozac, I had removal of all organs responsible for fluctuating hormones. One reason for having the surgery was, I thought he was hurting me because of my downs. Anyway, after surgery, the ups and downs were gone, but there was still a daily melancholy feeling, but I'm still married to an abusive man w/ three children.
That's enough about the beginning of 'mental illness for me'.
Yes. I did stay in an abusive relationship too long.
Does this say anything to anyone about my diagnosis being borderline v. atypical?
(I know. I'm asking you to do all the work. I apologize. I'm just AFU and very tired and weary and sh*t!)
I'll keep all threads in inbox because I have literally no contact w/ my pdoc except for this email my T sent today. Maybe I'll hear something.
Maybe I won't tolerate an MAOI if given it.
I have lithium sloshing around in my thoughts too.
Tks for all this info and I will read it because you're trying to help me; you're my support.
My IRL support is becoming nonexistent. Bad thoughts? Yep. Butt, giving thought to these diff' alternatives is helping me from going there.
need rest & want to return asap, 5f
and: I know this 'isn't all about me'.
and: Does anyone here feel confident atypical is their dx? (You've prob' said and I've forgotten.)
and: I wonder where this dx falls if we were ... whoops, on second thought, best not go there. Anyone reading my mind?
poster:Fivefires
thread:823236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080412/msgs/823514.html