Posted by englishman006! on March 28, 2007, at 18:14:45
In reply to Re: My story -off meds!! (very long), posted by englishman006! on March 28, 2007, at 5:08:38
It's difficult to describe how it feels not being able to communicate.. Usually, and this is just my theory, your mind works at a speed where you are able to choose your words ahead of yourself, almost like being able to edit what you're going to say. There are options available so you can select the best way to describe things. It seemed my brain wasn't up to speed and i could only snatch at words as they came. There's articulate, in-articulate and then there was me!! Anyway i digress.
My Pdoc, having exhausted his options without witnessing any significant improvement ordered the Memantine.. I remember i was sat on the toilet dreamily staring into space, having not long taken my dex & memantine combo, when something came over me.. an easiness, i felt centred, calm, a feeling that i was going to enjoy being in class that day. I was going to sit there composed and relaxed (infront of the beautiful Carrie) and express myself clearly and without effort. And i did!! Infact i almost had to play it down. The differnce was striking, "i'm back!" I couldn't have looked shy if i wanted to. I could act shy but there's a big difference between a confident person acting shy and a shy person trying to act confident.
I remember going for a walk not long after with tears rolling down my face. I was crying for the little boy who had just been on that journey, a journey through hell. I thought about what had happened to me from begining to end. I could no longer dam up the tears. My protective shield came down and i cried uncontrollably. I wasn't that little boy anymore, but i wept for him. God he hadn't deserved to go through that..
nobody deserved to go through that...
poster:englishman006!
thread:744434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070327/msgs/745051.html