Posted by englishman006! on March 27, 2007, at 19:04:21
In reply to Re: Anyone here felt better after coming off all meds? » linkadge, posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2007, at 22:01:48
My story is long but i'll keep it sweet! Got ill at 17. Did a reading at church as had on many occassions but this time went to pieces? Then obsessed about how i performed infront smaller and smaller audiences until one on one filled me with dread. Then belts of depression and last but not least panic attacks for 2 years. Couldn't perform at work - always fearing i'd be sacked, i was hopeless.. After suicidal thoughts i asked to go on prozac which felt like the difference between night and day! Soon though i realised although less anxious/ depressed i had no chat. No humour. Did win staff member of the year at work though! Spent alot of time alone watching movies, no socialising. Stayed on prozac for 10 years and only when i switched to nardil did i realize i had a personality and a sense of humour..
Nardil pooped out after 8/9 months then broke leg and was off work for 8 months. Went for a spect scan and was dianosed ADD (passive)had to come off meds for scan.. after nasty withdrawal seemed to feel an inner peace i'd never known. Against recommendation stayed off meds. Social phobia lifted only depression lingered for about 3/4 weeks more but didn't want to disturb my new found social confidence so no meds! All my emotions became exagerated, crying doing the washing up?? Wetting myself laughing at things i found funny, sobbing during mildly sad movies, crying buckets infront my psychologist etc. I figured this was all a result of a life time on meds which numbed and supressed my emotions and now the lid was off.
The next 6 months were the best in my life, made lots of friends - one with a phd in philosophy -we had really deep and interesting conversations about life and the grey areas of existence etc. I never had friends before and i was so proud to be mixing and with really intelligent people. I enrolled on courses, human biology etc and got 2nd highest marks in class, man i was alive. I hated the thought of returning to my old job which i no longer felt motivated to do (Mechanic). Wanted to fulfill a childhood ambition to go into the police!
After 8 months it was time to return to work -boring.. I was suprised to find i got stressed and anxious doing something i'd done for the last 17 years! I was always on an antidepressant before and never got stressed doing my job! After 2 weeks of stressing about everything i decided to try a little bit of an ssri to take the edge off. Dr gave me celexa.. 2 days later wham! social anxiety back with avengence, withdrawn more anxious, depressed, couldn't get passed my front door. Housebound frightened, gutted. Took myself to 3 different hospitals to be admitted as could not cope or feed myself. No one would admit me because i wasn't self harming.. I was in the most darkest space without hope.
Soon i would be homeless, could not pay rent and i had no family in Australia. I had no idea the ssri was causing my worst breakdown ever.. I was allocated a psychiatrist (Hitler incarnate) he just raised the dose despite my pleading with him that it wouldn't get me where i wanted to be. At most if it finally kicked in i would be back to that no friends, staying in watching videos hermit. I'd rather be dead..
Enough for now, will finish story later, thanks.
Shaun.
poster:englishman006!
thread:744434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070327/msgs/744771.html