Posted by detroitpistons on April 10, 2006, at 16:33:33
In reply to Re: ADs have ruined me. whom else has been HURT by, posted by Doug_Saving_The_team on April 9, 2006, at 16:08:03
Doug,
Sorry for the 3 posts in a row, but I forgot something. Please don't take this as a lecture, it's not. It's just my story, and I thought you might be able to relate. After reading your posts, I feel like I can relate.
I graduated college with honors and thought that everything would come to me...Well, it didn't in the long run. I had to go through many interviews before getting an offer (my interviewing skills were subpar). Finally, I landed a job at IBM. Within a year, I was laid off due to massive downsizing. The economy sucked, and I couldn't find another job, especially because I had very little experience to that point. Because of the job market, people with more experience were taking jobs that I would normally be competing for. My good grades no longer mattered. I was unemployed for many months. It got so bad that I had to cash in what little I had saved in a 401k in order to pay some debts. I ended up selling cars on 100% commission (I am NOT a good salesman) just to stay afloat. I was barely getting by and my debts became bigger. I became very depressed. That made me even worse at selling cars, and one week I made no money (not that the other weeks were that great!)....A big fat 0 for working almost 50 hours. That whole period from the time I got laid off to when I was selling cars (and beyond) kicked the sh*t out of me. My confidence went to zero. I was pretty much broken, but I became very humbled by my experiences and from then on I appreciated having any decent job.
I finally ended up finding a job in my profession, but it sucked compared to my first job at IBM. I was making way less money and I hated the job. I hated everything about it which led to more severe depression which made it even more difficult to perform at work. I then took a different job within the same company doing something completely different. I had to leave that company due to an imminent downsizing (plus that company just generally sucked). So far, I've never able to gain traction at any one company for any significant period of time in any one area of expertise. At present, my situation is still not great. I feel like I'm behind in my career and I regret that and I also feel guilty about it.
I'm six years out of school now. My friends have manager level positions (one of my friends actually has a pseudo VP title in the commercial lending arm of a major bank). I have an analyst position. They own homes. I rent. They are buying toys, and I'm paying off old debt.
I "should" be at a manager level. I "should" own a house. All of my friends have these things. Why don't I? Why do I have to have this bipolar condition that makes it hard for me to advance in the business world?
I've realized that I'm going to kill myself by thinking this way. I'm still very, very young and things can turn on a dime. Really, they can. You really have nothing to worry about. Apply for some positions. Maybe your friends will have better jobs during their first year or two, but you will catch up fast as long as you do a good job. I've been where you are. You are obsessing over this, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I realize it's hard for you to see it right now. You'll have a degree from a very prestigious school, no matter what your grade point is.
I realized that I can't think this way. It will slowly kill me. You seem like an idealist with all the "shoulds" and high expectations. Dude, it's not too late. Your life is just beginning.
If you really think it will help, taper off the meds. I don't know what your prognosis is, but just be prepared for a return of your symptoms, if indeed your depression is of a biochemical nature.
I just want to make clear for anybody reading this that I consider myself to be lucky at the end of the day. I realize that I could be much worse off than I am. I am just describing the evolution of my expectations vs my reality.
poster:detroitpistons
thread:630718
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060408/msgs/631478.html