Posted by tom_traubert on March 19, 2006, at 19:57:27
In reply to Re: Never thought I'd hear this....., posted by linkadge on March 19, 2006, at 19:28:15
> I have another theory that SSRI's may acutally increase the desire to do illegal substances, to try and restore some ballance in to the dopaminergic system.
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> Just some thoughts, you thoughts ?Thanks for the informed response. Yes, I should have mentioned coffee. Caffeine junkie, actually working in a coffeehouse at the time of the 2nd episode, and smoking cigarettes. I'm not learned in the specific brain chemistry, although I probably should be, but everyone I know who is on high levels of meds smokes and drinks coffee like a fiend. I've quit both, except for the occasional cigar.
But Anafranil is a tricyclic, yes? Are SSRI and tricyclic interchangeable terms?
The smoking pot and the drinking were definitely part of trying to connect with a "normal" life, i.e. what I felt my youth was missing out on due to my illness. There was also a deep deep shame of feeling how I felt, as if I could have/should have been stronger or better equipped to handle my emotions. That lasted a long time and it's such vile garbage, but it's a tough one too. You don't want to fall into a powerless victim's mentality but you don't want to delude yourself either. Those are semantics, but either way, shame is a silent killer--causes you to engage in patterns/behaviors that will make it worse. I've let go of that.
So, it seems that it's a constant guessing game, a measuring of emotions to see where they fall. Am I too happy? Am I too upset? Am I hypomanic or am I just busy? It's exhausting and the search, the analysis can cause what it's trying to correct, or at least perpetuate it. The ocd and anxiety kick in, but CBT really cuts through a lot of the b.s.
Thank you for your support--just hearing the opinion that the mania is more meds-related unleashes so much emotion for me. The difficulty is that the mania was fantaastic at first, then pure delusional with frightened paranoid spells and fits of uncontrollable anger. And the first time it lasted a good 2 months after withdrawal, which would lean my thoughts in the other direction, that since it lasted so long, I am truly bipolar. But like you said, if it comes it comes, and you have to take it from there. I've agreed with myself that I'll go on other meds if necessary, but man I'm got to try every other safe avenue first.
Good luck and please write any and all thoughts, this topic never ever bores me.
Thanks again.
tom
poster:tom_traubert
thread:620137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060315/msgs/622236.html