Posted by tom_traubert on March 19, 2006, at 18:02:17
In reply to Re: Never thought I'd hear this....., posted by linkadge on March 16, 2006, at 9:45:03
> Its my own personal experiement to prove this thing wrong. Maybe I will fail, and then I will accept treatment. I am going to proove that a single manic episode in responce to an antidepressant does not imply bipolar. So far (over 1 year off all treatment) has said to me that I don't cycle at all, but those are strong drugs.
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> LinkadgeI support you fully, and understand the difficulties.
I was correctly diagnosed ocd pure obsessionial in 1992. No doubt there, the meds anafranil and klonopin saved my life.
However, I was diagnosed bipolar in 1994 after experiencing a major manic episode that directly followed abrupt withdrawal of 275mg Anafranil and 1.5 mg Klonopin. After a few terrible months, I was back on the same medications and was able to finish school, but then in 1998 it happenend again, another manic episode that followed the withdrawal. After that, I was put on Zyprexa to bring me down (did it ever!) as well as Depakote, Zoloft,and klonopin etc etc and it made me a zombie, a depressed suicidal zombie. 2 months later I tapered myself off all the drugs and stayed off all drugs for over 6 years. Now, those 6 years were a lot of work, and the anxiety levels didn't stop, I wrote and wrote and wrote, fillled the spiral notebooks, exercised, did everything I could trying to manage, and I did, to a point. But the whole time, I was (and am) terrified of another manic episode. What kept me going was the description of withdrawal effects in the book "Your Drug May Be Your Problem" which I'm sure this board is familiar with. I disagree categorically with the authors total dismissal of all psychotropic medications, but it was reassuring to know that some people experienced manic episodes as a result of tricyclic (Anafranil) withdrawal.
Last year, though, it became too much, I thought I was having another manic episode and the panic would not relent. (you can refer to my exasperated posts) I started and am currently on 1 mg of Klonopin/day and hooked up with a brilliant CBT therapist. The pdoc suggested Lamictal, but I wanted to see what Klonopin and CBT alone could do. I didn't take it out of the equation, but I haven't gone up in dosage on the Klonopin or taken anything else. So far, pretty good for almost a year.
I am intrigued, to say the least, of this board's opinion of "Bipolar III" (maybe I should start a new thread) as my pdoc was the first person to bring it to my attention. The real interesting angle, which I never thought of, is this: which came first, the manic episode, or the withdrawal? Meaning, I started drinking, smoking pot, missing dosages, becoming hypomanic, then going off meds completely and plunging into a major psychotic manic episode. It happened the exact same way both times. Did the antidepressants bring about the hypomanic behavior that served as a catalyst for withdrawal that served as a further catalyst for mania? If I stayed on the meds would I have gone manic nonetheless?
I am still terrified of another manic episode, it is my number 1 anxiety-causing issue, and I'm working on it, and I'm making progress. But it would sure be nice to know that the meds had a larger part in my mania than anything else. I just want a clearer reference point.
Thanks for listening, and any feedback is much appreciated,
tt
poster:tom_traubert
thread:620137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060315/msgs/622192.html