Posted by Camille Dumont on October 19, 2005, at 17:41:31 [reposted on October 20, 2005, at 7:08:53 | original URL]
In reply to Re: It was fun while it lasted, posted by Miss Honeychurch on October 18, 2005, at 9:56:35
I did go to therapy for almost two years. It did help in validating the anger I was feeling and help me gain some confidence ... at least to allow myself to be angry rather than feeling like it was me who was somehow flawed / had done something wrong. But at some point I saw a new p-doc to do some projective tests and took a "break" from my usual p-doc while this was happening and well, when it was over I just didn't feel like going back.
I never felt any attachment to my p-doc ... but then again, I'm diagnosed as schizoid pd so it's probably just the way I am and not her doing something wrong.
When I stopped going I really didn't miss it. I didn't feel any need to talk to her. I mean most of the time it was me telling her what was happening in my life, her validating my feelings, or questionning them if they were unreasonable or irrational and asking me questions about how I felt and so on.
It's not really surprising. I don't miss people or attach much. I guess it's what schizoid defense mechanisms really are. Never attaching, never feeling and therefore never running the risk of being hurt. And when the defense mechanisms fail (as they inevitably do), depression and dissociation sets in.
I've been thinking about going back, but it wouldn't be to change per say. I really doubt you can "cure" spd. My hope would be to find a reason to live. I mean I don't want to die but I also don't see why I should live. However I'm afraid even the best p-doc wouldn't be able to help with that.
> Hi Camille,
>
> Were you relying solely on meds to help your depression?
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:568457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051017/msgs/569205.html