Posted by Camille Dumont on October 17, 2005, at 19:46:35 [reposted on October 18, 2005, at 7:20:55 | original URL]
Guess the doctor proved me wrong. He said the depression would come back if I stopped the meds, that I needed them for life and well, it did come back.
I toughed a little over a year without the effexor and six months or so meds free without even the celexa.
But it came back, I felt the dark thoughts, the destructive mind patterns come back, so here I am, back on my way to the theraputic dosage I was taking.
It feels so strange. On the one hand, I think I'm happy that I got half a year of being completely me of really feeling everything to their full intensity, but on the other hand, the numbness that comes with the meds is somehow comforting.
I'm rarely hungry, I don't feel muscle aches, I don't feel sad, I don't feel upset, I just don't really feel much. It's like a fog between my brain and my body.
And I ask myself which one is better. The real yet potentially destructive and potentially very happy me or the drugged up me who is more safe and productive and constant. I wish I could choose something in between but it seems that I have to pick one of two opposites.
Sorry if I'm rambling, I just needed to write it down, somehow.
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:568457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051017/msgs/568457.html