Posted by Guy on August 25, 2005, at 17:13:18
In reply to Suicidal with pain, posted by Guy on August 25, 2005, at 16:07:06
I'm sorry to use the word "suicide" in my message. Some may suspect that I use it to gain attention. I can assure you, however, that I really am chronically suicidal. My wife, who loves me dearly, has watched me suffer terribly for the past nine years and says she can't understand how I have lasted so long. She is very practical and says she would have checked out long ago. With regard to TCA's, I have already tried nortiptyline (for a few days) and doxepin (for many months). Both made me feel worse. I have also tried MAOI's, neurontin, SSRI's, SNRI's, AP's, Buspar and God knows what else. I guess I can always go back to Zyprexa and feel fat, lethargic, impotent and just plain dull. The combination I am on right now seems to work quite well, except for the pain management. I went to a pain specialist a few months ago and he told me to start running, which I did. He would not prescribe more meds. The running has helped some, but pain still dominates my life...I keep wanting to lie down, close my eyes, and pull the covers over my head. I guess it's the next best thing to being dead. Now that I think about it, perhaps I should try to see the pain doctor at the hospital for a follow-up. The main problem, as I mentioned before, is that hospital personnel seem to pay very little heed to people who do not actually attempt suicide...suffering alone doesn't count. It's such a catch 22. You don't get admitted unless you arrive DOA or with rope burns around your neck.