Posted by University on May 26, 2005, at 22:34:38
I've had several episodes of major depression since I was nineteen. I'm now thirty five and, happily, have been "in remission" for about six or seven years.
However, I've always thought that in the event of a death of loved one--or the break-up of a serious "romantic" relationship--would almost certainly trigger another episode--regardless of the fact that I'm on "maintenence" meds.
I'm now facing the strong possibility of a break up with someone I love. And although I am more of the "initiator" of the probable break up, I am still quite sad, anxious, etc. I know these arer normal feelings, commensurate with what's going on. But I've had enough depressions to recognize a certain, sinking, tingling, horror that constitutes the onset of depression (for me).
I'm interested in how others who live with depression--and the spectre of it returning--deal with this problem. How do you know when you start to feel "too" bad? I truly believe that I've thwarted many potential depressions by taking 1mg of Klonopin, which invariably halts my descent into the abyss. When i wears off, I'm in a different place--both emotionally and physically.
I'm not trying to flee the pain I'm probably in for--I'm just trying to figure out how to "do" this process (e.g., grieve, cry, be sad) without ending up in a depression. Sometimes it seems like my grief about these types of things IS depression. That is, my response is a sort of ever-increasing sadness compounded by anhedonia, fierce anxiety, obsessive (negative) thoughts and fears, guilt about everything, despair, etc.
Does anyone understand what I'm saying? My earlier post appealed for your thoughts on managing such periods/events with temporary increases of "pallative" meds like tranquilizers and stimulants--just to the extent that these drugs keep me present, but help me not to cross that line.
Hope everyone is well--thanks for reading :)
jm
poster:University
thread:503414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050521/msgs/503414.html