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Re: Thanks all - I'm done. ....Jerry, u r amazing

Posted by Jasmineneroli on September 4, 2004, at 1:07:30

In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 3, 2004, at 19:33:21

Reading about your situation Jerry, I started feeling angry too! You are extremely strong to have carried on in those circumstances, given your illness. Don't underestimate the strength you have shown :)
I'm a parent, and I really don't understand the lack of response from yours. They are probably afraid. I agree with Ace, that a lot of the reactions you are getting are coming from fear/ignorance. When you have an "invisible" illness, people don't see it for what it is. It's easier to feel and show compassion when it's a tangible problem, that most people have had or can imagine.Like a bad flu or an earthquake victim on TV. And I bet you've done a real good job of trying to cover up your illness and carry on as normal, too! With exhausting effort. So your co-workers and friends are probably even confused about whether or not you HAVE an illness!
I used to work with At-Risk adolescents, many of whom had mental health issues. When I suggested to the parents of one girl, that she might be depressed, they responded with "no she isn't, she still laughs at home" ..... a year later, I got a call from this girl, she was in the psych ward having made a suicide attempt and her parents had told her "she was just trying to get attention"......aaaaaagh!! The attitude is everywhere, Jerry, I'm sad to say.
The isolation you feel must be excruciating and I feel so badly for you. But I think you know now, that here at least, you will find understanding, caring, knowledge and experience.
Some practical advice:
1)Consider the motives of your various co-workers - e.g.The Chief of Staff is responsible for quality and productivity, she has to answer to those above her. She may be afraid to keep you in a responsible position, in her ignorance,in case you "crack" and make her look bad. Fear of losing her own job, or looking too weak (read: compassionate)is her motivation. If you can understand where they're coming from, you will lose your own fear of them. That fear is what makes you angry.
2) When you leave the last doorway of your workplace each day, take a deep breath and leave "Jerry the employee" behind. As you walk outside, think of yourself as "Jerry, the commuter/traveller/walker". When you walk through the door of your home, breath and become "Jerry, the sports-lover/music-lover/mystery novel fan/dinner chef" or whatever you do at home that defines you or makes you content. In other words, loose Jerry, The Employee at the office!
3)If you can, get a change of scene for a few days. Break the routine.
4)Go to your doctor, be assertive about trying different medications. Go talk to Larry on the Alternative Board, about other options.
5) Keep posting here. I'd like to know how you're doing and what meds you are trying. So would others. You can also continue to help people here, by sharing your experiences.
Sorry this is so long!!!
I was also wondering, what are your interests? What do you like to do at home?
Wow, you're a hero..look after yourself :)




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