Posted by psychosage on May 5, 2004, at 22:16:50
In reply to Re: Celexa and Ecstasy(MDMA) » KissDemon, posted by niche on May 5, 2004, at 1:36:32
> Why does something that feels so good have to be soooooo.. bad? I've struggled with depression on and off most of my life. I discovered e at age 29, 3 years ago and it was HEAVEN. I did it for 2 years. Every weekend that started on Fri and ended on Sun.I held back when I developed a chest pain that would NOT go away, last year. I went back and did it like 9 times this year. Here's the bad news. I have uncontrollable anxiety and am having what feels like a continuous panic attack. Chronic chest pain. Everything gets to me and It's hard to function. I have what they call "derealization" & sometimes I think I'm losing my sanity. I was put on Celexa today. Haven't started it yet. BUT it is SICK..very very sick the fact that I'm already trying to think when I'm going to be well enough to do e again.I miss it already.The scary part is I don't know how much damage my brain underwent already or how long it will take to fix it.If ever. Here's my advice: IT IS NOT WORTH IT! There's so much to life that you don't want to miss on. HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO THAT????
> I am an intelligent female MBA graduate who never did other drugs, do not like alcohol and never will..but this shit got me. It is that good..er..bad..whatever.
> I WISH I CAN HAVE FUN THE WAY I USED TO BRFORE E! IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME & IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!
> Control it IF you can. If not, seek professional help. The stuff is addictive and it is very damaging. Get someone to prevent you from doing it. I've read so many postings before of people wanting to stop SSRIs to feel the E! If this is not heart-wrenching, what is?
HI, niche! I became a meth burnout {in recovery} while at a prestigious northeastern university. I have found that I deny that drugs are largely a social experience even if I do them alone. The decision to do them obviously has a lot to do with your own moralities {yes, plural LOL} and identity. However, I've found that my screwed up emotions have fueled the cycle toward that chemical intoxication. It just seems I can feel yours right through the words, and I deeply empathize. Regardless of whether E is cut or uncut it is a deceptively powerful substance. That is just the way we were created. "Just trying to have fun" is no longer rational because they way drugs and the psyche are designed pleasure is always being reduced and deflated in favor of truth and struggle. E is hedonism. Hedonism is a pessimism {because if it's the center of one's life then one has no courage to struggle for that more dignified, difficult path of having safe, reasonable fun in a balanced life where one isn't selfishly seeking all the time}.Those aren't my ideas LOL. They make more sense to me now though.
Good luck with overcoming your E problem.
poster:psychosage
thread:52203
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040505/msgs/343842.html