Posted by Patient on March 11, 2004, at 17:37:35
In reply to Re: Geodon talk-Leapord, posted by Patient on January 8, 2004, at 14:27:59
Over a month later and I'm doing much better. I went from 10mg. to 20mg. Celexa and found the increase to help relieve the stimulation I was experiencing at the lower dose. I had started to take carbamazepine again (I hadn't gotten rid of all of this med. as I'd thought), taking 200mg a day, but it only gave me false-hunger pangs and reacted to anything I ate that contained enzymes, such as grapefruit or bananas-making my stomach feel like it was stuffed with cotton and making me feel agitated.
I went to see my psychiatrist at the end of January. I never got around to talking to him about other mood stabilizers such as lamotrigine or even talk to him about Geoden, but I did show him some information I had for treatment for borderline personality disorder from Dr. Bob's Psychopharmacological Tips. The doctor asked me what I wanted to do, for he knew I was on a tight budget and so couldn't afford just any medicine treatment. He wanted me to try increasing Celexa to 40mg. We agreed on that, and he agreed to let me try a months trial of Depakote as well. He didn't have samples for an entire month, but I said I'd try it anyway. So, I started taking 40mg Celexa in morning, and 250mg Depakote controlled-release in late afternoon. Within a few days increased Depakote C-R to mid. aft. and mid. eve. dosing. I was able to laugh again and make my husband laugh-something I haven't done in a long time. The one thing I noticed was when I'd wake up to go pee or let a cat outside, that I could smell a smell of cheese in my nostrils, like Limburger cheese or Valerian herb. This peculiar odor has diminished somewhat, but I found it an interesting side effect. I haven't become apathetic, or had any hair loss, or hair changes, or weight gain. I do become sleepy about two hours after taking Celexa, but that is the only side effect that I can think of that would be a nuisance. I can still have orgasms, though mainly in the mornings. At first I was taking 50mg trazodone to help me sleep, then down to 25mg. which worked just as well as 50mg. Now I find I don't need it-I sleep very well.
I still experience agraphobia and have long-simmering internal problems that I haven't worked out-which is why almost nightly I have disturbing dreams where I am lashing out at family, such as hitting my Mom, being belligerent towards my family or my husband's family (my husband's family is as different from mine as night is from day), or dreaming of filthy bathrooms, especially a messy commode, or dreaming of tornado(es) where I am warning others around me to seek cover, or viewing USA military jet manuevers with a feeling of dread, wondering if World War lll has begun, or of traveling with my Mom or Dad or both, many travels on steep mountainous roads, or of losing my purse. My husband does not like to hear me tell him my dreams for they do not make sense to him for there is no start or beginning, or someone turns into someone else. I tell him, "If only I could plug my dream into a television to show you what I dream".
The lack-of-job-for-my-husband situation is still hanging over us, and we are so thankful for his one client that still has dribs and drabs of work for him so that we live paycheck to paycheck now. He has taken some rainy day money out of his IRA's to help pay some bills-he is very frugal and has saved much money in the past while he was working for the aerospace industry, otherwise we'd really be in a bind and probably living with his parents.
Speaking of his parents-the golden agers (yes, I envy them-they live the perfect retirement life compared to what my parents have due to my parents past irresponsible ways)-over a week ago they asked my husband if they could stop by for a visit this spring on their car trip to the Ozarks. My husband told them he couldn't guarantee it, but that he'd asked me. They know how tempermental I can be, and that I can be rude if I do not want someone over to visit-which means we never have anyone over to visit, especially relatives, especially my husband's side of the family. He asked me, I panicked, started shaking, and said no, nope, no way. So, I'd failed that test and felt horrible for the next several days. Husband said that since I won't allow his family over to visit, that he will not allow my family over to visit, and added, that will probably never happen anyway since my Mother (my Dad is dead) is too afraid and worried to leave her house and come visit me. She lives 800 away.
So, now I have another reason to never want to see my in-laws again, for I've shamed myself in their eyes as well as my husband's, again. I was doing well up to that point. Hubby said, "Sure you are when you live in a box". He doesn't understand that I was not raised by his parents and their rules, and was raised irresponsibly and spoiled, a Mom that still refers to us as her babies who never asked us to do anything, and a Father full of anger and resentment, bigotted, aloof, hardly ever home due to lay-offs and getting an engineering job in some other state while living in a cheap apartment. And me, with no confidence and no self-esteem. I do regret marrying him, because we are so different and I am bringing him down and ruining, if not already ruined his life. I should have said no, and I should have stayed single-not even a boyfriend-I just am not a people person-not in an intimate, compassionate, caring sort of way-it's difficult to change.
Other than that, the higher dose of Celexa and the Depakote have done wonders for me-I haven't gotten irritable over little things and feel more at ease and no side effects to complain of. I'm not a zombie, though the memory still suffers. I can't afford to take more than 500mg of Depakote with the Celexa. I don't feel I need a higher dose.
Thanks to Doctor Bob's web site for all of the information shared as well as others that have contributed. My doctor needs all the help he can get!
Gotta go plant some Bibb lettuce seed and feed our small flock of chickens. Thanks for lending an ear. The best to all of you. Thanks again Doctor Bob!
poster:Patient
thread:293032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040308/msgs/323325.html