Posted by bristol on February 15, 2004, at 17:06:06
Hi - I'm new and thought that since no one in my family or my supposed friends understand me, that maybe some of you could help. I was diagnosed with BP2 3 years ago, put on Depakote then moved to Trilyptal and Topomoax b/c I gained 35 pounds in 2 months only to be told by another psychiatrist that I'm not BP but am depressed so he put me on Effexor and took me off Trilytal and Topomax all the while being an insane insomniac and using Klonipin. I became suicidal with that doc and ended up overdosing and not knowing who the hell I was and where I was - went on disability found another doctor and started another job only to have hallucinations and flashbacks = I also have PTST b/c I escaped a war when I was a kid and saw way too many gruesome things. I stayed on the effexor until this december when I tried to kill myself. I took 30 mg of klonipin and mixed it with 2 bottles of wine. I hated myself (always have) and couldn't / didn't want to be in this planet anymore. My ex-fiance was driving me crazy + I had a 3 day power outage- I guess I lost it. I called him and told him it was over and he knew what that meant and called 911. I dis-connected all my phones and went to sleep with my dog's. All I remember from that point on is waking up in the ER by moving my wrists. To this day - I am fat - gained way too much weight on these fucking drug's - unhappy - sleep like crap - have low self esteem and yet everyone on the outside thinks i've got my shit together b/c somehow i managed to get a decent job and buy a nice house but on the inside i'm a freakin mess and I have no friends = just my three dog's and two cats. What do I do? I can't get out of my own head - I read cover after cover of magazines like Oprah's recent happiness one and I think it's a crock of shit! Do we just walk around pretending? The drug's aren't helping and why won't my doctor prescribe a happy pill - b/c they are addictive she say's but she's ready to give me other benzo's that are also addictive that make me want to kill myself. How do they do it in Hollywood - how the hell does someone like Renee Zell...lose and gain weight that easily? I'm rambling b/c no one listens to me and i need some help - anyone?
poster:bristol
thread:313705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040215/msgs/313705.html