Posted by sgoose on January 22, 2004, at 17:51:41
I am now 23 (male) and have a life of anxiety and related problems. My official diagnoses have been Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and ADD(inattentive). I've had this stuff all of my life along with some sort of low mood which is obviously a result. I'm writing here for advice because I am at a critical point and feel that I am in severe danger of becoming a permanent failure. I couldn't deal with school, and developed phobias. I used to have panic attacks every morning, severe ones. I believe I had suffered deep trauma from this. I had problems when in my home but never the CRUSHING panic/anxiety when out with people. I was treated starting at 17 in 1998 and through prozac and klonopin I finished high school but my attempts at college were miserable. I dropped the prozac and remained in the klonopin for a while after. The prozac just blunted me and I was still stuck with anxiety and an extra 30-40lbs. Between different stints I went on with no meds and it was always miserable. I still can't figure out why I haven't just stayed on klonopin all along. I think it's because doctors see it as a dead end, which is NOT the truth for someone who has suffered life long. I'm on my 2nd psychiatrist now and he has dx'd me with ADD and put me on Adderall and insisted to not use Klonopin. It helped for a while but after about 2-3 months I feel the anxiety has "gotten around it" and the only thing it does is help me be more physically active and perhaps have more drive. My problem is so out of control that my treatment has been compromised because I can not talk out loud realistically about my severe anxiety when in the chair across from the doctor. Just recently after all of this suffering have I realized that I am just sitting there complaining about side effects of the anxiety/fear/etc etc. I need my anxiety treated... I'm doing poorly in almost every way. I can't work, my car is broken down and I'm lucky to even have a roof over my head at my parents house. I have never abused substances habitually. I smoked some weed off and on, mushrooms a few times, and worst of all was one half acid hit at the age of 15. I feel the early acid experience exposed me to even MORE anxiety in a young kid who was already maxed out. I have done many hours of psychotherapy and I have had patience with the drugs. I just want to get better.. I want to have a job, a girlfriend, maybe even a house of my own some day. It all seems impossible right now.. sometimes it's hard to believe I have felt so awful for my entire life..the good times were brief and always ended with my gripping on until the very end. This syndrome has pulled me away from other people, including my very own friends and family. SSRI's haven't worked.. I tried several. Klonopin and Adderall are the only things I have tried that really diminished the anxiety but have only experienced one med at a time and not a combo for more than a few days. I tried a few times taking the Klonopin 2mg at a time after taking .5mg 2 or 3 times a day for a few years (building some sort of tolerance) and it was the BEST effect I have ever had and best I have felt. I remember feeling like I had gone from thousands of layers of thought and tension down to just a few and I was natural. What do you think? I have been reading groups like this for years and it's way past time I got up the "nerve" to post.
THANK YOU
poster:sgoose
thread:304326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040122/msgs/304326.html