Posted by Angielala on November 11, 2003, at 15:04:35
In reply to Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 2, 2003, at 17:17:56
> I am only 16, but i think about the word deppressed a lot. I mean.. i know that i am a teenage girl and i will always face problems, but i think i only have one problem.. LIFE! I am always unhappy, regardless of the situation, everyone could be having a great time, but i can't no matter how hard i try. I have a hard time concentrating in school and i find my grades dropping, i use to be and A student and know i have a hard time reaching it. The littles thing will spring me off. I find myself crying myself to sleep and not wanting to get up the next morning. I feel alone and trapped, like nothing and noone can help me. I don't want to admitt that something is wrong with me, i want to be normal, feel normal, be happy, but i can't. For every smile i fake, i cry a thousands tears. Sometimes i feel like i live a lie, like nothing good will come out. Do i have a problem, is this normal. what do i do?
I'm 24. When I was 15 I told my mother "Mom, I think about killing myself." She said, "That's silly, why would you think about that?"
Thinking back on that, I could get mad at my mother, but then again, why would she be concerned- it DID sound like a silly thing to say. Instead, I am grateful that I hung in there as long as I did.
I'm getting married next summer and the hardest part of getting ready for "The Happiest Day of My Life" is to fully get over the fact that my husband will NEVER understand my Bipolar. He will never understand that depression doesn't mean crying a lot or looking sad or thinking about sad stuff. It's SO hard. I understand why you feel angry about only have boards like these to find people who do understand. I still get a little angry. Then I have to realize that we are just made differently and we need to comfort each other, even if that means posting on the Internet.
I remember being told by three different doctors, family, friends... "It's your age, every teen feels depressed- it's your hormones". I swear I would have hurt someone if they had said that again... it was so annoying. It seemed like all these other teenagers were having a great-old-time... and there I was, just like you, not wanting to get out of bed, trying to force a good time on myself, trying to fit in with the happy people, trying to maintain the A's that were so easy to get before.... how could I be the same as them? It wasn't until I was 18 that *I* went to a new doctor and explained that Bipolar ran in my family and I needed treatment because it's only getting worse. YOU are the only person who knows how you feel. So next time you are told that you are fine, explain to them you know you are not.
Everyone has a different story, different problems and a different way to get help. But the fact that you posted here means that you are ready to get yourself back.
It's a fight, we have to fight to be "normal". But that doesn't mean being a sad clown. Don't fake one more smile- you deserve to smile and not shed one more tear. You came to the right place :)
poster:Angielala
thread:275855
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031111/msgs/278646.html